I enjoy spending time with my husband. In fact, if I was given the ability to choose
to spend time with any person on earth right now, I would - hands down - pick
my husband. I would rather be with him
than anyone else! I would not even need
to think about the decision. He’s my
first pick.
In our per-marital counseling we were challenged by our
Pastor to “Date our Mate” for as long as we were married. That was easy when
were first married and it was just the two of us. We spent every moment we could with each
other. Oh, young love! However, when the children came (a result of
spending so much time together, but I digress…), having those dates became a
little more of a challenge. When all of
our children were little, and we did not have ‘built in’ babysitters like we do
now, we had to come up with some
ways to spend time being together.
Here are some steps we found that helped us to be able to
“Date our Mate” even with little kids underfoot:
1. Bedtime
When our kids were little, we made sure that their bed times
were early enough in the evening to allow us quality time to be together just
the two of us. We found when they were
going to bed late (9-10pm) we were exhausted by the time they finally got
tucked into bed and ready for sleep ourselves.
When their bedtimes were moved to 8:00 we found we still were alert and
awake enough to be able to sit and talk together, play a game or even just sit
on the couch together reading books and drinking hot tea in a quiet house. (I don’t mind that type of date at all!)
There were sacrifices that had to be made in putting the
kids to bed at an “early” bedtime. Kids
who go to bed at 8 are usually up at six. There were times we debated if we would rather
keep them up later, so our mornings did not come so early, but we found we
enjoyed being able to be with each other as a couple more than we enjoyed a few
extra minutes of sleep in the morning.
Looking back on the years of having just little ones in the house – I
think it was a wise choice!
2. Plan Times
For as long as I can remember, we have had a “date night”
set on the calendar; and for the most part it does not change. When the children were little, we had a date
night about once a month. That night, we
went out together as a couple on a ‘date’.
We would have loved to have done it more, but the bottom line was, when
you have to pay a babysitter and a waiter – you just run out of money fast when
you are just starting out as a couple and family. Once a month was about all we could
afford! Now, we have babysitters that
live with us – and we have the ability to make our date nights more of a weekly
activity.
3. Barter Babysitting
When the kids are little and it is difficult to find/ afford
a babysitter, bartering babysitting is an option. Find another couple with little kids. (They need date nights too!) Offer to be their date night babysitter in
return for them watching your children the next week for your date night.
When my husband was a Pastor we would host “Date Nights” for
the couples in our church. They could
drop the kids off at the church and we would watch the kids and feed them
dinner if the couples promised to go out on a date together and talk. We enjoyed spending an evening with the kids
of the church; but most of all enjoyed seeing the couples come to pick up their
children holding hands and smiling. It
was like you could see a visible difference in the couples from when they
dropped the kids off to when they picked them up. It is
SO important that couples have time to do this.
4. Take what you can get
There were times when the kids were little that we would
take them to the park to play so that we could sit on the benches and
talk. No, it is not the ideal date night
– where you are alone just the two of you.
Undoubtedly, there will be interruptions; but you can proactively handle
that by promising ice cream cones on the way home for all the kids who played
without disturbing Mommy and Daddy while they talked. We have taken this same principle and done it
at home too. The kids were assigned to
their rooms to play – they were not to come out of their rooms till the timer
went off. Then we would sit and talk
about what we need to while they played.
5. Look for “mini-date” opportunities
Mini dates are anytime you are able to be alone together as
a couple without the kids being in the center of your world. As I looked at our weeks and the time we had
together when the kids were little, I was amazed to find that there were
several times when we were ‘kid-less’. A
perfect example of this would be the time we spent in adult Sunday school
class. The kids were all checked into
the nurseries, dropped off at their Sunday school rooms and it was just the two
of us in Sunday School. There was almost
an hour where we did not have to make sure the kids were behaving, chewing
their gum too loudly, or writing in the hymnbooks!
Making an effort to see these times as ‘mini-dates’ and
connect emotionally with each other can be wonderful for a couple with little
kids. During Sunday school we would hold
hands or sometimes pass a note to each other (don’t tell Pastor I said that….). There are times when we are listening to the
preaching and Pastor will mention something that pertains to us as a family or
couple – and we will interact with each other by a poke or a nod – or even our
eyes meeting and smiling; knowing that God had that part of the message for us. We are listening together as a couple to the
message and we are growing together under the preaching of God’s Word. We
were emotionally connecting – even though we were not OUT on a date.
Wednesday
nights afforded us the same opportunity as the children were all in kids club
and we were able to be together for the prayer time and Bible study. Sometimes during prayer meetings we pray
together as a couple. Even though we are
at church (and not out on a ‘date’) we are connecting our hearts together in
prayer.
Our church holds monthly couples Bible studies. Several of the couples have little ones that
are upstairs being cared for by teens in the church; but really and truly they
are on a mini-date. Mini dates can
happen in the car when you declare a “no-talking game” with the kids and hold
hands and connect with each other as the kids look at the window.
You were a couple before you had children. It is imperative that while you have children
in the house you find ways to connect with your spouse. If you make the effort, you will find many
opportunities to “Date your Mate”. We
have looked at it as an investment in our marriage. I want to be married to my best friend when
the last kid leaves the house – not find out that I don’t know the man I am
married to anymore because life became too busy to connect and build a
friendship with my husband. I challenge
you to do WHATEVER you can to find time alone with your husband. Someday when your kids are gone and raising a
family of their own they will thank you for the security you gave them by being
best friends with their Daddy!
Thanks for stopping by.
I’m so glad you did.
Blessings,
~Martie
