Embracing Change

Our lives are constantly changing.

We can’t hold on to today.

The present is the past tomorrow.

We can’t go back to yesterday and do it again

One can’t change the past – and dwelling on it will only lead to despair.

What do we miss when we continue to look in the past and regret that yesterday – or last year , or five years ago – is not today?  I assure you we miss something!

We miss the present. 

We miss the enjoyment of today. 

We miss the excitement we could experience about tomorrow.

As life goes on there are changes; and it almost seems that we are expected to fight the changes rather than embrace them.

But what if we embraced these changes?  What would happen if we found ourselves truly excited about the future and the changes that are coming?  What if we looked forward to the future with excitement?  

A lot has changed in my life in the past two years.  The children have grown.  I have come and gone and come back to my blog.  I have experienced rejection and watched a relationship in my life crumble into a million pieces around my feet.  And as I sat there taking it all in – all the changes I had a choice to make.  I could stay there and look back and wonder how it all could happen, or I could look at the future and embrace the change.

Yes, I took some time to reevaluate and to heal from the hurts.  I walked away from the blog and thought long and hard about the future.  I walked away from social media and took some time to just be private and reflective; and in the quiet time away I realized that I had a choice to make.  I had to decide that I would embrace the change and move forward.

Not all of the stories of our lives have happy endings; and realizing that has set me free.  A relationship has ended and as stories go, this one has had one of the saddest endings I have read.  However, this story is only a small story in the compilation of the many stories in my life.  I cannot let the sad ending to this story define me.  My life is so much more than that. 

I have a husband who loves me more than his own life and would do anything for me and for my good.  I have five wonderful children who are starting to walk into their own stories and their own lives and I get a front row seat.  Each one of my children will drop everything to come and talk to me.  I am watching in amazement as my relationship with them changes as they grow into adults and delighted as I am able to move from caregiver to their daily needs to being a friend and encourager as they enter adulthood.  

I sit and watch this life of mine unfold in front of me; and there are times it takes my breathe away.  It’s a wonderful life and I have been blessed; and I would miss all of it if I was focused on the sad endings of certain stories of my life.  

Tomorrow looks bright and wonderful.  Yes, there will be surprises and challenges and there will be other stories that will end with sadness – that is life.  But my life is filled with blessings and joy.

I choose to embrace the changes that life brings.  Perhaps in a small way this is what the apostle Paul was challenging us with he explained his mental discipline and thought choices.  He chose to forget the things behind and look forward to the things that were coming.

We can’t change the past – but we get to live the future.  Will you join me?  Embrace  the changes.  Delight in watching what God is doing in your life and refuse to live in the past.

I’m excited to be back and writing again.  Thanks so much for joining me here.

Blessings,

~Martie 

The Dilemma

The sun was coming in the kitchen window and I had positioned my coffee cup to the chair next to the kitchen door.  I can see the bird feeder there – and the morning light shines just right.  The windows were open, the birds were singing and my bagel was toasting in the toaster oven.  There was still steam coming from my coffee cup on the table when she walked in.  Her hair was rumpled from a night of sleep and dreams and she still had that ‘just awakened’ look in her eyes.  (I love looking at my kids in the morning).

 She came up and hugged me tightly and I held her close to me for just a minute close.  The toaster dinged indicating the bagel was ready; and as soon as she heard it she asked me if she could eat breakfast with me.  “Just you and me?” she begged.   I told her she could with a nod and she quickly went to the refrigerator and got out a yogurt.

We sat at the table.  She was chatting away as we started our breakfast together.  My mind was drifting from watching the birds coming to the feeder to my plans for that day.  There was laundry that needed to be done, a blog post that needed to be written, school work that needed to be assigned and tomato plants that I needed to water.  I was busy planning; when I heard her statement:

“When I get older, I don’t want babies to come out of my tummy – I want to adopt lots and lots of babies.”

I stopped my agenda planning and looked at her.  My little adopted one sitting at the table talking about her plans for the future.  It just makes sense that she would want to adopt a baby – she understands adoption.  It’s part of her story. 

“That would be wonderful.  I would love to have lots and lots of adopted grand-babies…”  I told her and then started thinking some more about the day ahead of me. 

“Where do you get babies to adopt?”

“From adoption agencies,” I answer.

“Is that where you got me?”

“Kind of…”  I answer.  “We got your from the state foster care program; but they used and adoption agency for the adoption.”

“What are those children’s homes called for kids that don’t have parents anymore?” She quizzed.  Her yogurt eating had stopped; she was sitting on her knees waiting for my answer.

“Orphanages.”

“Where do you find that babies that are on the streets?”

My mind began to wrap around the fact that she was not just chatting with me over breakfast.  Something deeper was going on in her heart.  Normally this time of day I hear about her dreams from the night before or what she wants to do for the day; but ‘babies on the streets’?  Where did this come from?

I answered her as best I could, “That would probably be in other countries.  There are other countries where babies are left on the streets.”

She picked up my cell phone that was sitting beside my coffee cup and asked if I could show her pictures of the countries that have babies that are living on the streets.  “Where are they, Mom?  Can you show me a picture?”

I quickly racked my brain for how I would Google that?  I then remembered the story my friend told me about the child she found on the streets.  The little girl who had no one.   The little girl who found a missionary to be her Mommy.   I started telling her about my dear missionary friend. 

“Do you have her picture?” 

I pulled up Facebook and search her name.  I showed her my missionary friend and told her how her daughter is all grown up now and has started an orphanage for children who live on the streets just like she used to.  “Perhaps God will have you go to another country and start an orphanage for babies who are left on the streets.  Then you can tell the children about Jesus and how He loves them!” 

Her eyes opened wide, “China!  Do they have orphanages in China?”

“Yes, I am sure they do; but missionaries cannot go over to China.  It is against the government rules.   

Perhaps you should pray that God will make the government change its mind and allow missionaries to come and tell the children about Jesus.”

“Does the government ever go on vacation?  Then I could sneak in and start an orphanage and tell the children about Jesus.”  She stopped and thought for a moment, her look of hopefulness changed to despair.   

“But I don’t know how to talk to the children about Jesus in their words.”

“You could learn.”

“But it would be really really hard.  What if I couldn’t do it?”

I realized at that moment, that this was going to be the most important conversation I had all day long.  “Anna, if God wants you to go to another country and tell the children there about Jesus – He will help you learn to speak their words.”

“Where do you go to learn how to speak their words?”

“Language school.  Missionaries go to language school all the time.  They teach lots and lots of missionaries how to speak the languages of other countries so that they can tell people about Jesus.”

With the language barrier taken care of she continue talking, “So there are babies that live in the streets?”

“Yes.”

“But what if soldiers came and didn’t want me to tell the children about Jesus?”

 She was counting the cost.  It almost took my breath away.  How do you answer this – how do you explain this to a seven year old?  “There are lots of counties where the soldiers want you to come and help the babies that live in the streets – because they are good soldiers. They want the children there to be taken care of and know they are loved.”

“In China?”

“I don’t know about China.” I answer.

“Probably not in China,” she said contemplatively, “In China they don’t want missionaries.  You know that man and lady that got married and went to China?”

I knew to whom she was referring to because she has mentioned them before - many times before.  “Yes, John and Betty Stam.”

“They went to China to tell people about Jesus; and the soldiers came and cut off their heads.  They hid their baby from the soldiers.  They died when they went to tell people about Jesus.”

“Yes, but when they did they went right to Heaven.  Jesus took them right to Heaven.”

“What if go to help the babies in the streets and tell them about Jesus and the soldiers come and cut off my head?”  Our eyes locked and I could see tears in hers.

“You would go right to Heaven.” I looked her straight in the eye.  I refused to assure her that something like that would not happen.  It could.  It does.  Even as we were having breakfast there that morning – there are people somewhere in this world who are paying a price for the cause. 

“I don’t want my head to get cut off.”  She sat in silence for a few moments then she said, “But the children need someone to tell them about Jesus.”

She is seven.  I don’t know how old I was when I first counted the cost.    I am pretty sure I was not in first grade. 

If we claim the name of Christ then we must take time to count the cost.     

The dilemma:  The cross of Christ could cost us all we have on this earth (even our very lives) – but the children need someone to tell them about Jesus. 

A Day I will Never Forget

Picture:  All Posters.com

It was a week ago today that I went to see her.  It would be the last time I got to visit with her. 

I walked into her room and while her body looked a bit frailer – all was the same.  Her Bible was sitting near her recliner – right where it always is when I go and visit.  Her devotional book on gratitude was also not too far away and the Christian radio was on. 

The oxygen, however,  was new – and her face was more pale than I had seen before.  The weakness was increased; but the smile that crossed her lips was the same.  I looked at her lying there and  knew that she did not have much time left on this earth.   

Our eyes met and I smiled; but it was Virginia who spoke first, “How’s Rob?”

 I had meant to go and be an encouragement to her; but felt that I completely failed at my mission.  Tears streamed down my cheeks and the words would not come.  She pulled her hand out from under the sheet and motioned for me to come close and hold her hand.  I did.  I sat beside her – held her hand in mine and I wept.  I laid my head down on the white sheet covering her body and sobs shook mine.  She sat there holding my hand and let me cry and as I cried, her grip tightened – it was a grip that was firm and held onto my hand so tightly – much too tightly than she should have been able to grip in her weakened state.  I felt as if God Himself – through her – was holding my hand.

I regained my composure – and she pointed to the Bible.  “Read me something from the Bible”, she suggested.  I asked her where and she told me it did not matter. 

I opened to the ninety-first  Psalm.   “He that Dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty…”  I read it  - in it’s entirety – finishing up with: 

“For He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways…”

I went over to Psalm 27 – “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?” ….  I read the last verse, “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD”

We read through the nineteenth Psalm all the way back to the twenty – seventh.  I turned over to Isaiah and read in chapter sixty-one.  I was once again challenged to my purpose and call in life as I read the first three verses.  It had been the mission of Christ when He came to earth the first time; and as a follower of Him – with His Spirit indwelling me – it is my mission too:   ministry – service – caring for those who are hurting.   

As I read and thought about Miss Virginia’s life I was pretty sure that it had been her mission in life also. 

Then it was as if God Himself told me to turn to the New Testament and read.  I went to Romans 8 and read.  As always I was captivated by the verse we quote so often in times of trial:    “We know that all things work together for good…”  It’s a promise I am actively claiming as I watch Rob sick with cancer.  Yet, it was verse thirty-five that brought back the tears: 

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulations, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword?  … Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.”  My voice began to shake as I read on,  “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels nor principalities  nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth nor any other creature , shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”   Tears rolled down my cheeks and her hand once again gripped mine – I continued to read.  

She wanted more – I needed more.

I turned to II Corinthians 4 and started reading.  “  Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not…”  I continued reading on; but when I got to verse eight I had to stop.  I could not read and she squeezed my hand.  She knew the passage by heart – she knew why I was stopping and she sat quietly while the tears fell.  Finally, I started reading again, “We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed…”  I had to paused again before I could continue the next verse.  “Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.  For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.”  It was then that I felt her grip tighten and she squeezed my hand again – but did not let go of the grip; as she did she weakly shook her head and I hear her hum her agreement with the passage.  

I continued, “So then death worketh in us, but life in you.” 

 I thought about how her dying had worked in me.   How watching her die with a commitment to her Savior and His faithfulness to her had worked good in me .  It had shown me how to handle the trials of life.  It had worked in me by showing me how even in great weakness she still could love her Savior. 

 I continued reading, “… Knowing that He which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also b Jesus, and shall present us with you.  … “For which caused we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment…”  The tears started once again and though they ran down my cheeks – I continued to read as she gripped my hand tighter.  “…Worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.” 

There is something about seeing the meaning of scripture right before your very eyes.  She motioned for me to continue reading.  I did; and scripture spoke for itself as I read to this saint so close to Heaven’s gate she could almost feel it. 

“For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.  For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven:  (She again hummed her agreement with the verse and I continued to read)  …”For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened not for that we would be unclothed; but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life…  Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord; (For we walk by faith, not by sight;)  We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body , and to be present with the Lord. ..” 

We closed her Bible then and she asked me to sing her a song.  I did. 

I hear my Savior say, “Thy strength indeed is small.

Child of weakness, watch and pray

Find in Me – Thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all,   All to Him I owe.

Sin had left a crimson stain,

He washed it white as snow.

And when before the throne,

I stand in Him complete

“Jesus died my soul to save,”

My lips shall still repeat:

Jesus paid it all,  All to Him I owe.

Sin had left a crimson stain.  He washed it white as snow.

She asked me to pray and I did.  Usually, when I finish praying she just says thanks; but on this Monday as soon as I said “Amen” she spoke with a voice so strong – you would not even think she was ill, “And Lord, be with Rob.  You know he desires to serve you with his life; and you know I desire to come home.  Give us both the desires of our hearts.”

Her desire has been granted.  He called her home to glory yesterday.  She fought a good fight, she finished her course and I am most assured that she will hear – “Well done!”

Last Monday was one of the most meaningful days of my life.  I will never forget her; and I look forward to seeing Virginia again in Glory.  She was and is one person in my “cloud of witnesses”.  She showed me daily how to live, how to love my Savior and how to love others.  She showed me also how to die.  I  have been touched by her love – my life will never be the same.