Showing posts with label Time to Break Down. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Time to Break Down. Show all posts

Embracing Change



Our lives are constantly changing.



We can’t hold on to today.
The present is the past tomorrow.
We can’t go back to yesterday and do it again






One can’t change the past – and dwelling on it will only lead to despair.



What do we miss when we continue to look in the past and regret that yesterday – or last year , or five years ago – is not today?  I assure you we miss something!

We miss the present. 
We miss the enjoyment of today. 
We miss the excitement we could experience about tomorrow.




As life goes on there are changes; and it almost seems that we are expected to fight the changes rather than embrace them.

But what if we embraced these changes?  What would happen if we found ourselves truly excited about the future and the changes that are coming?  What if we looked forward to the future with excitement?  





A lot has changed in my life in the past two years.  The children have grown.  I have come and gone and come back to my blog.  I have experienced rejection and watched a relationship in my life crumble into a million pieces around my feet.  And as I sat there taking it all in – all the changes I had a choice to make.  I could stay there and look back and wonder how it all could happen, or I could look at the future and embrace the change.



Yes, I took some time to reevaluate and to heal from the hurts.  I walked away from the blog and thought long and hard about the future.  I walked away from social media and took some time to just be private and reflective; and in the quiet time away I realized that I had a choice to make.  I had to decide that I would embrace the change and move forward.

Not all of the stories of our lives have happy endings; and realizing that has set me free.  A relationship has ended and as stories go, this one has had one of the saddest endings I have read.  However, this story is only a small story in the compilation of the many stories in my life.  I cannot let the sad ending to this story define me.  My life is so much more than that. 




I have a husband who loves me more than his own life and would do anything for me and for my good.  I have five wonderful children who are starting to walk into their own stories and their own lives and I get a front row seat.  Each one of my children will drop everything to come and talk to me.  I am watching in amazement as my relationship with them changes as they grow into adults and delighted as I am able to move from caregiver to their daily needs to being a friend and encourager as they enter adulthood.  




I sit and watch this life of mine unfold in front of me; and there are times it takes my breathe away.  It’s a wonderful life and I have been blessed; and I would miss all of it if I was focused on the sad endings of certain stories of my life.  


Tomorrow looks bright and wonderful.  Yes, there will be surprises and challenges and there will be other stories that will end with sadness – that is life.  But my life is filled with blessings and joy.



I choose to embrace the changes that life brings.  Perhaps in a small way this is what the apostle Paul was challenging us with he explained his mental discipline and thought choices.  He chose to forget the things behind and look forward to the things that were coming.

We can’t change the past – but we get to live the future.  Will you join me?  Embrace  the changes.  Delight in watching what God is doing in your life and refuse to live in the past.



I’m excited to be back and writing again.  Thanks so much for joining me here.

Blessings,
~Martie 

Life Lessons - The Story of Romeo

It has been a little over a year since we made the move down south and into the country.  I must be honest to say that we are REALLY in the country.  There are snakes, bears, foxes, possums, raccoons and many more creatures living around us.



When we moved into the country James started doing some chores for a farmer in the area.  Every morning he heads out and does chickens, feeds horses, lets the cows out to pasture and many more things that get the farm day off to a decent start a few miles down the road.  During his working time the farmer, Ms Polly, started talking to him about getting his own calf.  She told him about the local 4H project that is here in the area and told him that she thought he should consider doing a livestock project.  He was thrilled with the possibility and came home and told us (Dad and Mom) all about it.

Dad said no.  "We may be living in the country; but we are not farmers", he reasoned, and the case was closed.

James continued doing his chores every morning and Ms Polly kept talking to him.  She even made a phone call to me to explain the project and the details involved.

Dad still said no.  His reason was still valid in his eyes.

James kept working, earning money and putting it away.  Finally one night he asked Dad if he could they could sit down and talk - Man to Man.  Dad agreed and James laid out his plan.  He would pay for the calf.  He would pay for the feed and already had a good amount put aside in the bank for the upcoming feed expense if Dad agreed).  Dad quizzed him on everything:  Where would the calf stay?  How long would he be here?  How much would it cost?  What would he do if the calf got sick?  And, for every question James had an answer.  He had done his homework, made a plan and was just waiting for Dad to see it his way.

Much to James' surprise, Dad said yes!



With Ms Polly's help and contribution a lean to was set up outside the kitchen widow.  Straw was purchased and we attended the first 4H meeting.  The told us about all the things that could go wrong and how easy it is for a calf to get sick.  They told us what to do and assured us that the vet would oversee their care if the calf got sick.  Then we were handed papers to sign and handed in our money.  James had taken his own money out of the bank and had it ready for them when we handed in the paperwork.

Now, we just waited for the call.

On the week of Valentines Day we got the call.  The calf had been born and we could come and pick it up.  Mr Ken (Polly's husband) hooked up the trailer and him and James went and picked up the calf.  We were thrilled that it was here and it was decided that night that the heart shaped while spot on his forehead and the fact that he was born on the week of Valentines day that his name could be none other than "ROMEO".  (Whom Ms Polly has affectionately called - "lover boy" for the last 9 months.)


Two days after we got the calf,  Romeo become very very sick.  My Mom skills turned from homeschooling and fixing dinner to bringing out old blankets to the lean-to and rubbing a calf to keep him breathing.  There was much tears and the wee thing just about died during the first week.  It was really a touch a go week and I was sure that I would be comforting a grieving boy before we saw the week end.  We almost did.

But he pulled through....

They told us that the first few weeks are the most delicate and many do not make it during that time; but if you get them past that time it is usually pretty easy sailing - scours speaking.  Normally that is true.  But not with Romeo.

A few weeks later I was getting my morning cup of coffee and looked out the window to see a very sick calf - again.  James took his temperature and we found he had a very high fever and the vet was called again.  Shots were given and instructions were handed out.  I walked the 4H leader to her car she told me that they did not expect Romeo to make it through the night.  She apologized and told me that he would get a new calf for the project if he lost this one.  I cringed with the news.


A special diet was given.  Medication to stop the GI issues was prescribed and neither one of them was cheap.   James knew that his calf was his responsibility - so he started making phone calls asking people in the area if they had any jobs for him to do to earn some money for the extra supplies he needed for Romeo. (He cleaned horse stables, chicken coops and cleared pastures of weeds, stacked wood and helped stack hay into barns.   Anything he could to make some extra money.   He worked - and he worked hard.  About as fast as he earned the money he went and spent it on supplies needed to keep his calf alive.

The calf pulled through and we were thrilled.



A few weeks later James came in with tears in his eyes and told me that Romeo was dying.  I was shocked.  "How could he by dying?"  He had been fine that morning when I looked out the window.  I was sure James was mistaken and told him I would come out and take a look before he called the 4H office.  When I got out to the pen, I saw a very sick almost dead calf lying on the ground in front of me.  I told James to run in a call the office.

They said they would send someone right out.  We sat there together.  James, me and the calf.  He rubbed his body right above the heart and several times the calf stopped breathing.  James would rub harder and I would tell the calf to stick with us just a little while longer.  I was pretty sure the calf would be dead by the time help arrived.  When the calf started shaking and his eyes rolled back into his head I told James just to keep rubbing and to make sure the calf knew that he was not alone - I did not know what else to say.  I was hurting for my son who had tried so hard with this calf.

 I told him that this is how life is sometimes....  sometimes life hurts.  Through tears he said he understood and through tears I wished that it was a lesson that he did not have to learn like this.  Finally help arrived and IVs were started.  Shots were given and they told us that we would know by morning if he was going to pull through.  They told me as I walked them out to the car that sometimes you can do everything right and still have a calf die.  They told me James had done everything right; but the calf would not be here by the morning.  They assured me that a new calf would be given to him when this one died.  They apologized that James was having to go through this.

But... the calf pulled through.....


They told us this should be the end of the touch and go period.  They came out a few other times and took a look at him. He was doing great.  Wonderful.  Then when I was in WI for my counseling class, I got a phone call from a distraught boy.  Romeo was sick - again.  Again the same thing happened.  James took on more extra work to cover the extra expenses.  I hoped the calf would pull through.  As I was boarding the plane to come home I got a call from the 4H office.  Blood had been taken to test and see why the calf kept getting sick.  The results had come in a showed a disorder similar to an autoimmune issue.  Now we knew what we were dealing with.

We decided to keep the calf and keep working with him.  Over the course of the next several months Romeo would get sick over and over again.  But the illnesses were caught sooner and shots were given that helped him to get strong.  We kept look forward to the fair when we could show them how big he gotten and how well he was doing. For several months Romeo was without sickness or fevers; everything pointed to the fact that he had gotten older and stronger.  Everyone agreed that he must have kicked this disorder and James had a pretty good looking calf to bring to the county fair.  We could not be more pleased!

The show date was scheduled for Sunday afternoon.  James planned out his weekend.  When he would get his supplies ready.  New jeans were purchased for James a special brush for Romeo.  Extra feed had been started a month before to get him as fat as we could for the fair. He had developed quite and appetite and was so excited to see James come in the morning and the evening to give him feed.    A bath would be given on Saturday morning and then Romeo would be put out to pasture to bask in the sun and get as white as possible before the big day.



On Friday James came home from doing chores to tell me that he thought Romeo was sick.  He said his nose did not look right.  I told him to call the office.  They assured him that it was probably the cooler fall air that caused his nose to look too wet and that he should be fine.  I attributed it to nerves, and felt that as many times as James had encountered sickness with this calf he was entitled to a few last minute jitters.

Then, when he went to put Romeo in for the night he found a very very sick calf.  Calls were made, the vet was called and instructions were given to start him on a round of shots (a skill James had learned in the past months, unfortunately).  In the dusk of evening James got the news:  he could not bring his calf to the fair.  Sick cows were not allowed on the fairgrounds.

It was like a kick in the gut and James felt the sting of the kick hard and deep.

I kept thinking of how much he had tried, how much money he had spent, how much time he had worked to train the calf and prepare it for the show.  I wanted to cry; but I couldn't.  I tried to stay strong for James who, while he was disappointed, was taking the news like a man.  Sometimes life hurts deeply.  This was one of those times.  James was learning a life lesson; but it was hard for me to watch.

They told him to come to the fair anyway.  He had been part of the project and should be there with the other kids doing the project.  I felt like that would hurt more than not having a calf there.  To sit there and watch all the other kids show their calves and to know that was what he was supposed to be doing.  I wondered if we should just keep him home - it would be easier.

James said he wanted to go.  I told him that was fine.  I started reasoning through how we could have kept this from happening.  I wondered if we should have asked for another calf when Romeo had gotten sick the second time.  I wondered what we could have done differently.  I wished with all of my heart that there was something that I could do to take away the sting that life was dealing out to James.  There was nothing I could do.  So, I told him we would go and try to make the best of the day.

We arrived bright and early.  Everyone else was at the parking lot with their trailers in tow, hauling their calves.  We just had our van - no trailer.  We headed to the livestock barn and 4H friends were bathing and brushing their calves and getting them ready for the show.  James went over to a girl that he had gotten to know at the last meeting.  She was getting her calf ready.  As soon as she saw him she asked him about Romeo.  James told her that he was sick.  She had heard someones calf was sick and had hoped it was not his.  It was.



James picked up a brush and started helping her wash her calf.  Then she looked at him and told him that if he wanted he could show her calf.  The two of them were showing at different times and her calf would be available when James was supposed to be in the ring.  It was agreed upon. (The 4H office had said they would try to get him a calf to show that day to get him the experience of being in the ring.)

It was not the same as showing Romeo; but her offer had been heartfelt and made the sting a little more bearable.





So the fair was bitter sweet.  James missed having his calf there.   Sometimes you can do everything right and still not have it turn out the way you thought it would.  I realized James was learning a life lesson this weekend.  Yes, it hurt to be there at the fair without his calf; but he pitched in and helped in any way he could.  He hung signs, helped with others calves and was given the opportunity to be in the ring.  He made the best of it.  It still hurt - but that is life.  Getting up and going on even when it is hard.

When the award ceremony started I knew it would be hard.  We clapped and watched as pictures were taken and ribbons handed out.  Then they announced the last award:  The Sportsmanship Award.  Before they presented the award they told about the boy who had a calf that had been nursed back to health so many times in the past months, had been cared for and medications purchased with the 4H'ers own money, and how he had gotten sick just hours before the show.  They told how the boy had not pouted or been mad when they had to make the decision that his calf could not come to the fair, and that he had pitched in and helped in anyway he could the entire day during the show.


"That is why this years Sportsmanship Award goes to James Spurgeon..." and James was called into the ring.  I cried as he was handed the award; and thought of all the awards that he could have received I am most glad he received this one.

Soon there will be a plaque on our wall with the award mounted on it.  (Compliments of the 4H office).  And as I go past that award I will remember that is when James learned about life.  Sometimes life does not happen the way you plan, sometimes life causes much pain but it is what you do during those times that builds your character and makes you into a man.  This weekend James became more of a man.


We were sitting at the table eating dinner on our way home from the fair and I said, "I wish we would have asked them for another calf when Romeo got sick the second time..."  It was James' response that made me realize just how much of a life lesson he had learned.

"Mom, somebody can have a baby that has down syndrome and they don't get to look at that baby and say, 'Can I have a new one - I don't want that one..."  No, Romeo was my calf and I did the best I could.  I have learned a lot and today I was disappointed; but that is how is was supposed to be."

I shook my head in agreement.  He was right.  This years 4H project taught him about life - and I am so glad Dad said yes after their 'Man to Man' talk.  It was the right decision.

He is already making plans for next year's calf.  He has a few propositions for Dad, too.  There will be another Man to Man chat and he will ask Dad if Zak can have a calf too.  A mentor-ship is being planned in his mind.  You see, he has a little brother that has been quite taken with the livestock at Ms Polly's barn; and has tagged along his big brother for several weeks now.  Perhaps the two of them could each had a calf.  He has already talked to Ms Polly and the 4H office.  Now, he just needs Dad to say yes.  We will see.

Thanks for stopping by.  I am so glad you did!

Blessings,
~Martie

Sixteen



 It has been sixteen years ago, today that she came into our lives.  

Her stay was brief.

Her life will impact mine forever!

Sixteen years.  

I let my mind go and wonder what it would be like if she was still here.

How would we celebrate the big day?
What flavor of cake would she choose for me to make for her?


  What meal would she ask for me to make for her birthday dinner?

I let my mind wonder some more....

What would she look like?
Would she be tall or short?
Would her hair be curly or straight?  Blond or red?
Would she be outgoing or quiet?
Would she be....

 I stop.   I must not continue in this way of thinking; for in so doing, it is too easy to forget.

I don't want to forget!

I want to remember - not wonder.

I want to remember what it was like the very first time I saw her.  The moment I held her for the first time.  Looking into her eyes I was captivated by the miracle of life and overwhelmed with gratitude for God's gift to me.

Her life was a gift from God.


I want to remember when we dedicated her in our Pastor's office.  When we ceremonially gave her back to God and asked Him to use her.

He did.


I am so very thankful for the time we had with her. She is my blessing from God.  







Happy Birthday, Ally.  I love you!



Preparing to Go



She is leaving in four weeks.  One month.  Our lives will be completely different from anything that we have ever experienced before in our life.

Our oldest daughter is leaving home for a year.  A whole year.

I spend some of my time wondering where the time has gone.  It seems like just yesterday we were walking the hallway with a crying baby wondering if the days of colic would ever come to an end.  That was just yesterday, right?

I wonder if I have completed the job that I was supposed to do with her.  Did I teach her everything she needs to know?  Is she ready for life?  Have I instilled in her the character that she needs to do what God has called her to do?  Should I have spent more time teaching her to cook better or bake better?  Will she know how to keep her apartment clean and tidy?  Should I have spent more time teaching home skills?



I wonder if she will do OK navigating a forgein culture and learning a forgien language.  I wonder if she will safe as she travels, make all her connections and get through customs and the border without incident.  I hope, beyond hope that she will be able to call me from across the ocean and tell me that she has arrived safetly.  I am sure that I will not sleep really well until I know she has made it to Germany.

Mostly, I wonder if her relationship with God is as strong as it needs to be to accomplish what God has given her to do.  Does she understand the Christ life like she should?  Is her faith strong enough to handle lonliness, depression and dissappointments?  (I know life and I know they all will come!)  I wonder if she has a correct ministry view of the task that God has given her.  Is she viewing it as a mission field to which He has called her?  Has God put within her heart a heartbeat and heartcry for the people to whom He is sending her to minister? 



My thoughts can go on and on.   Time continues to tick by and one month seems like it is right around the conrner.  The closer it gets the stronger the lump in my throat feels.  The longer one year seems; and Germany sounds like it is farther away than the moon!

Some things have become clear to me:

* Time goes by faster than I ever dreamed.
* You can't go back and do overs.
* You get to say "I'm sorry".
* You can't keep them with your forever.  God gave them to you to prepare and send out for His work.
* The same God that I meet with every morning is going with her to Germany.  (Somehow that makes it      
    seem a lot better!)
* God has more invested in her than I do.  
* Her life is His - not mine. 

So, I am spending everyday thinking about how soon we will miss her smiling face at our table in the morning; and I am spending as much time as I can being with her and building some really great memoires that we will hold onto when she is away.  We will be taking a current family picture and looking at the olds ones wondering how the time could have gone by so quickly. I will post our new one when we get it done.

 

 I am taking comfort in the fact that God is going with her.  I have poured into her as much as I could in 20 years.  What I have missed and failed in can not be redone in the few days we have remaining; but God can shore up my shortcoming and He can teach where I have failed. 

However, just because she is leaving us for a year does not mean that I can not invest in her any more.  I can pray for her every day.  I can intrust her to His capable hands to protect and guide and teach.  What a comfort that is to this hurting heart.  So thankful my God can be trusted with those for whom I hold so dear.

Thanks for stopping by - I am so glad you did.
Blessings,
~Martie

Counting Our Blessings




Christmas Eve plans included going over to our Pastor’s house to fellowship and enjoy playing games. Rachel and Abbey had to run an errand and they took the little car and would meet us at our Pastor’s house around six that evening.


We had a wonderful time eating snacks and lots of desserts, playing games, and laughing together. The teens and young people were in the front room enjoying games and the adults were in the kitchen around the table playing trivia games and getting to know each other better. Anna and Zak were in the den playing with the kid toys and enjoying the ‘new’ toys more than you can imagine!

We started wrapping up the evening around a quarter to nine. I was helping Anna put all the toys back and Rob was trying to keep Zak in line as we got ready to go. Rachel came and told me her and Abbey were leaving. I told them that we would be leaving shortly. Our plans were that we would unwrap one gift before bed. (Something Anna kept reminding me of as we finished putting the last toys in the tote and finding her jacket.)

We got the little kids buckled into their seats and James climbed in the back with the leftover desserts in his hand. I looked at the clock as we backed out of the parking spot, the clock read: 9:10. I picked up m cell phone to call Rachel and tell her that the door was locked at the house but that we would be there shortly to let her in. I noticed as I got ready to dial her number that I had missed a call. Just then I heard someone calling for us and running towards the van with a cell phone. It was the Pastor’s daughter.

I watched as Rob was talking on the phone and could hear Rachel on the other end; but could not make out what she was saying. Rob did not look too alarmed and then handed the phone to me after he told her to tell me where she was. He told me to find out where she was. The pastor’s daughter asked him if Rachel was OK. I heard him tell her that he was sure she was and that we needed to find her.

Rachel’s voice was extremely calm as she told me that she had wrecked the car. I assumed that she was in the ditch somewhere and was not too concerned. I told her that she needed to tell me where they were. She said she was not sure. The fog was so thick. I told her that we were pulling out of the driveway and asked her which way we needed to turn. She told me and I told Rob. Then I asked her what was wrong with Abbey. (I could hear her crying in the background.)

Rachel told me that Abbey had hit her head. I told Rachel that I was not going to get off the phone with her and to tell Abbey that we were on our way to them. (Still I was just assuming that they were in a ditch somewhere up the road a ways and wanted them to know that we were coming for them.) I told Rachel to tell Abbey that we were coming. Rachel said she was on the ground. I asked her where she had hit her head. Rachel said, “I don’t know. I think it was when the airbags went off.”

Suddenly, my paradigm changed! I questioned, “The airbags went off?”

“Yes, and I hit a tree. There is a lady with Abbey right now and they called 911.”

I put the phone down over my chin and told Rob that they had hit a tree, the airbags had gone off and 911 had been called. He looked concerned. I then asked Rachel which way I needed to turn at the upcoming intersection. She said she was not sure. She was all turned around in the fog. I asked her to put on the lady that was helping Abbey.

I questioned the lady as to their location. She told me where they were and I instructed Rob that he needed to turn around. Rachel had made a wrong turn and it was down the other road. I heard a lot of voices and a lot of confusion, and then Rachel was back on the line. She seemed disoriented. I assured her that we were almost there.

Then we saw the flashing lights.

They were getting the body board out of the ambulance and I had to will myself to stay in the van until Rob got it over to the side of the road. I ran to Abbey who was behind the car and crying in the grass. The paramedics were working on her. As I ran up to Abbey I saw Rachel run into Rob’s arms.

“I am her mother, and I am not leaving her side, “ I heard myself addressing the paramedic who was holding Abbey’s neck in place and telling her to focus on her breathing. I then sat by Abbey and told her it was going to be OK. I remember asking the man in uniform if she had been thrown from the vehicle and they assured me she had not. I helped them role her onto the board and helped Velcro the neck brace into place and watched as they taped her head into a stationary position.

I knelt in the grass and talked to her. I told her to think of her favorite Bible verse and promised her God was with her. I listened to her cry; and told her God was with her and to breathe deeply. She kept telling me that her head hurt. I called our Pastor’s wife to tell her what was going on; and handed the phone to Rob for him to give Pastor directions as to where we were – I was not sure. I knew that Pastor was on his way.

I was completely at peace. I was not shaking or crying and I felt God was right there with us. Overwhelming peace filled my heart. A total peace I can not explain. God is good.

As I was walking along the stretcher toward the ambulance I saw the State Trooper asking Rachel what happened. She explained that she had gotten turned around and could not tell where she was with fog. She was trying to get back to our Pastor’s house so she could get her bearings and figure out which way it was to home. While she was trying to find the correct street she did not see the curve and went off the road and into the tree. He asked her if they had been wearing their seat belts and Rachel assured him that they both had them on at the time of the accident. The officer told her that it was not her fault. The fog was so thick that night the ambulance had almost missed the curve coming to the scene. He informed her that he was glad she and Abbey were OK and that he would not be issuing a citation because she had not been negligent or reckless in her driving.

Abbey continued to be in a lot of pain as they worked on stabilizing her breathing and blood pressure. It appeared that we were looking at possibly a broken leg or shoulder. I was thankful that we were not looking at a life or death situation and I went out and told Rachel, Rob and Pastor that Abbey was doing OK. They allowed me to ride in the ambulance with them to the hospital. Rob followed behind. Pastor and a couple of his daughters took Zak, Anna and James home. Rachel had been treated and realeased by the paramedics, and was sent home with the others to rest.

X-rays were done and Christmas Day arrived while we were sitting in the ER room waiting for the results. The doctor came in and told us that Abbey was very lucky – no broken bones. He also told her she was going to be very sore for the next week. She was then were released to go home to the other family waiting for us.

Christmas morning started late for us this year. All of us slept in. When it was time to unwrap the gifts under the tree there was a different attitude amongst all of us. A reality that this day almost did not happen was understood by all. James read the Christmas story this year, “Unto us a child is born…”

I sat and listened and prayed and thanked God that we were all together as a family this Christmas day. It was a somber and thankful day. One I can not describe in words.

That afternoon we went to the crash scene and saw where it all had taken place the night before. We talked with the neighbors who had come out and helped our girls from the moment they heard the car hit the tree. We told them ‘thank you.’ We listened as they told us that there have been at least 10 other cars who have missed that curve without the fog that had been there the night before. They were glad we had stopped by and let them know the girls were OK. We handed them a tract with the plan of salvation and invited them to church.

I thanked God as we drove away from the curve that could have cost my girls their lives and thanked God that He had spared them and kept them with us this Christmas. I was thankful that we would not bury another daughter in December and that Anna’s birthday would be celebrated in two days – not just endured under the cloud of grief.

The car is gone; but my girls are still here. That is fine with me.

I have been thrilled to watch my girls become closer through this crisis. There have been lots of tears, lots of prayers and the last few days have been savored. Being together as a family is not something that is guaranteed for tomorrow – or for the next hour even.

Everyday is a gift. Life is a gift from God. So thankful that He has more plans for my girls and that He allowed them to stay with us longer.

Hug your children; and cherish another day with them. Thanks for stopping by – I am so glad you did!

Blessings,

~Martie

Today I will Remember

Today I will remember. 




Today I will be thankful for every single day we had with her.  I will cherish that memory.



Today I will relalize and meditate.

I will dwell on the reality that God uses the hard things in life to mold us.



Today I will give thanks. 

Thank you God that I know you better than I did fifteen years ago this day.  Thankful that I have experienced your healing of a broken heart.  Thankful that Heaven is so much more a reality. 





                                                                     "Blessings"
We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

~Laura Mixon Story

A New Chapter




Last week I flew to Denver to meet a lady I had only spoken to on the phone.  We had never met face to face.  We had talked, however, from our hearts and our hearts share something very special.  Each of us has lost a baby suddenly due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).  Both of us have experienced what it is like to have life change in an instant.  Everything about life to feel out of order and out of control; and each of us has found that God can heal and restore and bring good from such a terrible situation.

So, last week, we met face to face.  We talked.  We cried.  We planned.

After her son died from SIDS Cheryl and her husband started what is now known as SIDS America.  A non-profit, faith based organization to help parents who are grieving the same loss that they had encountered.

I have no doubt that God allowed our paths to cross and after much prayer and a lot of conversations, we believe with certainty that God has called to me work with SIDS America!  It is a ministry I am excited to become a part of.

I will be handling the support services of SIDS America.  I will be talking with families as they grieve the loss of their baby and obtaining resources needed to help these families.  My husband and I will be doing marriage counseling together with couples when the need arises. I will be writing bi-weekly for the SIDS America blog in an effort to put out written work that is readily available for grieving parents. 

I wanted to share this new venture with you my readers and ask you to pray.  Pray that God will use me in this ministry for His glory and honor.  Pray that my words will point grieving parents to Him. 

It was my prayer the moment I walked into Ally's room and saw my husband doing CPR on her that God would allow me to use this for His glory.  The position with SIDS America is an answer to my prayers and I trust God will be magnified through my ministry there.

Thanks for your prayers for me and I begin my new journey.
~Martie

SIDS Awareness Month

October is National SIDS awareness month.  SIDS stands for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. 

Our daughter died in December of 1997, those four capital letters are at the end of her autopsy report.

SIDS changed my life forever. 



This month I finished the book that I had tried for so long to write.  (For whatever reasons I could not write it before now.)  Through the third week of the month of October I pretty much locked myself away and wrote and wrote and wrote.  I cried and wept.  I remembered.

I remembered the day she was born.  I remembered her smile and her laugh.  I remembered how happy we were together as a family.  I remember finding her.  I remembered and felt again, the fear that gripped my heart.  I remembered the EMT working.  I remembered friends.  I remembered the funeral.  I remembered standing in front of her casket and wondering how life could go on.

I remembered and I cried.  I missed her as if it had been just yesterday.  It hurt.

I kept writing. I kept remembering.

I remembered my shattered faith.  I remembered all my questions.  I remembered the "WHY?" question.  Then, I remembered  how God had shown me His promises.  I remembered how real God became to me during that time.  I remember how He healed my broken heart.  I remembered how the promises of God's word that were so dear to me at that time.

I wrote and I wrote.  I remembered and then, I was challenged.

Nothing happens in our lives without a purpose.  Every event gives us opportunities.  My life's purpose is to glorify God and to proclaim Christ.  Ally dying gave me an opportunity to proclaim Christ to people I would have never met without her home going. 

Then I asked myself, have I seized that purpose.   Has Christ received all the glory He can from that situation.

I thought, and I realized.  I can do more.  I can proclaim Christ more through this situation. 

So I come to my blog and I want to tell you that this month is SIDS awareness month.  I want to do more to help parents through their time of grief.  I want to do more to tell them about God and His love for them during that difficult time.  I want to proclaim Christ MORE! 

Because SIDS changed my life forever - but it was God ordained.  God allowed it and I know Him better today than I would have had Ally not been taken to Heaven early.  Her life - and her death were a blessing and through them I have understood more clearly the meaning of the word "Hope" (her middle name).



I want for Christ to be glorified through my life and through every situation that comes my way.  I want to proclaim Christ.  After I wrote the book - and as I was reading through my journals God showed me a verse.  Isaiah 61:1-3  This has become my life verse. 

God brought be across this site.  Will you go over and visit and will you pray for the parent's whose hearts have been broken by the sudden death of their precious baby?  I have committed to praying for them.  I remember the hurt.  I remember the grief.  I remember the healing.  So, I will pray that during their time of loss they will find Hope. 

That God may be glorified!
Martie

Bats our Lot in Life



When we moved from our house in Mayville we warned the people renting the house that we have had bats before.  We have!  I hate bats.

When we looked at the farmhouse that we have rented here in North Carolina one of our first questions was, "Have you had a problem with bats?"  That was asked more than once; actually several times.  We wanted to make sure that we were leaving our bat stories in Mayville.  Well, and Kaukauna - for that matter. 

So, we moved in with confidence that our bat stories were over.  Imagine our surprise when early this morning (2:36am to be exact how early!) we heard Zak say this phrase, "Dad, there is something flying around in the kitchen and I thought you might want to know."

This jumped us into action.  At roughly 2:37am this morning you could hear Rob say in a military tone of voice, "Everyone close your door s!" Now, this is a phrase that he has said many times before; but we were hoping that would be a phrase only used when we lived in the North - not the South! 

Everyone obeyed the command and you could hear their obedience with the slam of the bedroom door.  Then we heard the sounds that accompany a bat being found in the house.  (It sounds like warfare and hand to hand combat.) 

While the clock still read 2:37 we heard the welcomed report, "Coast is clear!" and the doors opened and details were being craved from everyone. 

Our first bat experience lasted about 4 hours.  This one:  45-50 seconds.  I think that we are getting the hang of taking care of flying intruders. 

I got back into bed wondering if God is getting us ready for something.  A mission field?  A foreign county?  A child who will be living in jungles with flying creatures that make me scream?  Not sure what; but I am thankful to be in His will - even it that means a flying bat from time to time! 

Thanks for stopping by.  I trust your nights rest this evening will be uninterrupted.

Blessings,
~Martie

The Plan



I have set out on the task of getting a plan in order that will help us to move our family without having to go in crisis mode. This has been my endeavor. Not really sure if I will be successful; but you never know till you try. Right? This past week I have been busy writing out all that we need to do before we head out in 26 days. Yes, you read that right, 26 days! The countdown has begun! In less than 30 days we will be living in the south, eating southern food and learning to talk a new language. LOL.

I have my list ready. I got a notebook piece of paper and numbered each line. There is one line for each day in the month of June. My list starts tomorrow; but I have been working a lot this week. I must say that I love planning. I love organizing and this past week I have been in my element planning out the move. I love this stuff! Now, actually doing the plan – well that is not so much fun; but I will stay on task. I will!

The List:

 JUNE
 1. Mudroom Completely Packed
2.
3. Church (Rob Preaching in Waupun)
4. Laundry Day / Pack and Clean Basement Pantry
5. Town Day / Go to Dollar Store and get disposable cooking trays and pizza pans
6. Zak’s last day of School
7. Kitchen Day: Make 4 Meals to freeze / Go to Horicon Marsh with the kids for a hike
8. 
9. 
10. Church
11. Laundry Day
12. Town Day: Purchase Paper Products to be used the last week in the house
13. 
14. Kitchen Day: Make 3 Frozen Meals / Pack the Kitchen Box* / Pack the Snack Box*
15. Pack Front Room / Rob’s Office / Pack Activity Boxes* / Gym Membership done
16. Pack Bathroom
17. Church – Father’s Day
18. Pack Suitcases* / Pack Girls’ Rooms
19. Celebrate Birthdays / Put Sunday Clothes in Closet upstairs w/ shoes / Got to PO fill out change of address slip / Pack entire Kitchen
20. Pack Boys’ Room (Start using frozen meals in freezer and paper products)
21. Make sure All laundry is done / Pack our room
22. Washer and Dryer brought up to garage / Tear down beds / Clean Basement / Schedule Thrift Store to pick up items not going with us
23. All Bedroom furniture down / All Yard work done / Upstairs cleaned / Kids camp out in front room / Tear Down Trampoline
24. Church
25. 
26. Rachel – take clothing and sheets to the laundry mat / Load Truck / Clean main level of house / shampoo carpets / Stay at motel
27. Leave for North Carolina!!!!!

 • Kitchen Box : Supply of paper plates, glasses and napkins and utensils / Peanut butter and jelly/ dried fruit/ baked chips/ 2 boxes of cereal TO BE USED: for the first meal there at the house and the first breakfast.

• Snack Box: Trail Mix / Dried Fruit / Water Bottles / Baked Chips / (Will be added to as we get closer to the trip with fresh veggies and fruit.) TO BE USED: in the vehicles on the trip down.

 • Activity Box: Coloring Books / Map of the route / Facts list about each state we are traveling through / colored pencils / books/ books on tape / Unused steno notebook TO BE USED: By the kids during the trip to keep Mom and Dad sane.

• Suitcases: Four total. We will use just these clothes and wash them as we need to before and during the move. Each suitcase will contain the entire families clothing for that day. One suitcase will be specifically packed with work clothes for the moving day and the unpacking day. Shoes will also be in the bags.

So this is the plan.  I will keep you posted on how things are coming here.  I can not tell you how excited I am about moving!!

Thanks for stopping by.  I am so glad you did.

~Martie