From SAHM to FTWM - Lessons Learned

It has been a year since I started working full time out of the home.  Getting a job outside of the home was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make.  Being a stay at home mom was all I had ever known; and to be honest with you – it was all that I thought I would ever know.  I had never really envisioned myself working outside the home.   When God opened up a spot for Zak in a special needs Christian school Rob and I began talking about me getting a job outside the home.  The thought of me being gone from the house all day terrified me; I couldn’t see how everything would get done if I was gone eight hours each day. 

This year has been filled with lots of learning curves; but it has been an exciting year as I have done something I have never done before.    Here are some things that I have learned this first year of being a working mom:

 

*I LOVE my job.  

I had no idea how much I would enjoy going to work and interacting and engaging with other people.  I love going to work and seeing my coworkers.  I love being part of the team where I work.  I love the challenges that I have at work that are different than I had at home; and I love getting a paycheck for the work I am doing.  I never imagined that I would love working outside the home as much as I do.

*Being a SAHM prepared me for being a FTWM

More than once in this past year I have found myself amazed at how things I did as a stay at home prepared me for working outside the home.  Time management, laundry organization, planning school work – all of that equipped me with the knowledge I needed to do a lot of the tasks I have been given this past year.    

*Teamwork Matters     

Whether I like to admit it or not, more than once I have played the martyr when it came to my roll as a SAHM.   Sometimes it was the laundry, meal planning or just housework – but there were a lot of times I just felt like I could not get it all done.  However, I was reluctant to accept help or accepted it with guilt because the affairs of the house were my “job” and when I wasn’t able to get them all done I felt like I was failing.   This year I have learned (at it took a while for me to get this one) that my husband and I are a team.   He helps me when I have a lot on my plate – just like I try to help him when he has a lot on his.  It just makes for a happier home when everyone is working as a team; but that leads to another lesson I have had to learn:

*It doesn’t have to be done my way

Ouch!  This one has hurt.   Sometimes the reason I didn’t want the help was because I wanted things done exactly how I wanted it.   While order and details are important sometimes it is just better to allow others to do it their way for the sake of getting it done.  By far this was the hardest lesson for me – but the one that has brought the most peace to our everyday life. 

*I love Family Time

When I was a SAHM and homeschooling I was with my kids all the time.  Don’t get me wrong – I am thankful that I was able to be home and spend so much time with my kids while they were growing.   I consider it a huge blessing.   This year my time has been divided with home and work; and I have found that when I am home with my family I really focus on them and enjoy being home.  I value it more than I did as a SAHM.  I also have found myself doing away with distractions when I am at home in the evenings and on weekends.  I want to be 100% there with them when I am there with them. 

*If Your Mindset is Wrong – Change

Another ouch.   In the stay at home mom world and the homeschooling world there can be on overarching mindset that working outside the home is WRONG.  The hardest part about me working outside the home was having to evaluate if I believed that it was wrong for me to be employed outside of the home.    As I prayed about it and evaluated it I had accept that some philosophies that I had accepted through the years were not completely biblical.  The Bible clearly teaches that the first roll of the wife is to care and oversee for the needs of her household.  That has been and always will be my first and highest calling.  It is not my only calling.   Once I evaluated this and humbled myself to what the scripture teaches (and not what other people’s opinions were) there was such freedom to fully embrace this next chapter of our lives. 

What a year it has been!  Overall I have learned that a Mom does what needs to be done to meet the needs for her family and her children.  Zak has thrived in his new school; and Anna has blossomed at hers.  I have enjoyed watching God unfold His plan for us in this new adventure.   It’s neat to know that my time as a SAHM was part of God’s plan for my life and for my children and that this new chapter of our lives is a part of God’s plan for us and for our children’s future.  How blessed I have been to have been able to experience both! 

I trust that you are content and thriving at the place God has you in your time of life right now; and know that God is always growing us and preparing us for what is coming up ahead.   No stage of life last forever.  Take in all God has for you now – and be ever learning for what He has for you in the future. 

Thanks for stopping by.  I’m so glad you did!

Blessings,
~Martie

On the Day He was Born

On the day he was born - I had no idea that he would become part of our family in a little more than a year.

I have tried, in vain, to try to piece together where I was and what I was doing on the day he was born.  I was busy cleaning the house, doing laundry, teaching kids, perhaps practicing piano or writing; and at the very same time miles away from where I lived a little baby boy (my son) was taking his first breath.  A little boy that would change my life - started his life without me.

How much did he weigh?  What was his apgar score? 
Was he born in a hospital or at home?
Seconds after he was born did he cry loudly or softly?  Did he cry at all?
Did someone hold him in their arms?  Was anyone awestruck when looking at his little face and hands that life is precious and beautiful?
Did he feel loved and cherished or alone and helpless?

All these questions will remain unanswered on this earth.

I don't know all the little details surrounding the moments and hours after he took his first breath; but I know that God was there.  God heard his first cries and was mesmerized by this one so little and tiny; because God had a plan for his life.  The all loving God of the universe watched him as he slept and loved him.  I have no doubt in my mind that God's protection surrounded him as a baby; and while I was just going through the everyday routine of my day - God was keeping him safe for me, and preparing my heart for him. 

I was so fearful when we started the adoption process that we would "end up" with a child that had debilitating issues because of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  It was the one reason I was afraid to adopt.  I begged God to make sure He protected us from getting a child with FAS.  If there was one reason I would have not adopted it would have been that reason.  I was also terrified of autism.  I told God that I would trust that He would make sure that we did not have a child with autism.   

I have learned that God does not keep us away from the things that scare us - He delivers us from our fears.

Zak has Autism, and FAS, and TS, and Celiac Disease - and perhaps the list will grow.  I am not as afraid of those words as I was thirteen years ago.    Sometimes, the uncertainty that comes with those words still scares me; but those words are teaching me just how big my God is.  He has the power to cure autism and spare growing brains from the effects of alcohol; but sometimes He chooses to do something even bigger -  He chooses to let us see that He is more powerful than these disabilities.

 I have learned about my God through Zak's disabilities. 

On the day Zak was born - God was preparing a beautiful gift for me.  I have learned about faith through Zak.  I have been given a beautiful gift from God in this boy.  His eyelashes are still long and beautiful.  I love his smile and when he laughs it envelops the entire house.  But most of all, Zak is a boy who is in love with his God.  He talks about Him all the time - and there is nothing God cannot do.  I have watched Zak depend upon God to meet his needs and been challenged by his faith. 

God delights to deliver us from our fears; not always by removing us or keeping us from the things that scare us; but by pouring out grace upon us as we live in dependence on God in the midst of our fears.  

This week we celebrate his birthday - I cannot believe we have entered the teen years already!   Happy Birthday, Zak.  I am so glad God put you in our family!  You are, without a doubt, God's gift to me.  I love you! 

The Dilemma

The sun was coming in the kitchen window and I had positioned my coffee cup to the chair next to the kitchen door.  I can see the bird feeder there – and the morning light shines just right.  The windows were open, the birds were singing and my bagel was toasting in the toaster oven.  There was still steam coming from my coffee cup on the table when she walked in.  Her hair was rumpled from a night of sleep and dreams and she still had that ‘just awakened’ look in her eyes.  (I love looking at my kids in the morning).

 She came up and hugged me tightly and I held her close to me for just a minute close.  The toaster dinged indicating the bagel was ready; and as soon as she heard it she asked me if she could eat breakfast with me.  “Just you and me?” she begged.   I told her she could with a nod and she quickly went to the refrigerator and got out a yogurt.

We sat at the table.  She was chatting away as we started our breakfast together.  My mind was drifting from watching the birds coming to the feeder to my plans for that day.  There was laundry that needed to be done, a blog post that needed to be written, school work that needed to be assigned and tomato plants that I needed to water.  I was busy planning; when I heard her statement:

“When I get older, I don’t want babies to come out of my tummy – I want to adopt lots and lots of babies.”

I stopped my agenda planning and looked at her.  My little adopted one sitting at the table talking about her plans for the future.  It just makes sense that she would want to adopt a baby – she understands adoption.  It’s part of her story. 

“That would be wonderful.  I would love to have lots and lots of adopted grand-babies…”  I told her and then started thinking some more about the day ahead of me. 

“Where do you get babies to adopt?”

“From adoption agencies,” I answer.

“Is that where you got me?”

“Kind of…”  I answer.  “We got your from the state foster care program; but they used and adoption agency for the adoption.”

“What are those children’s homes called for kids that don’t have parents anymore?” She quizzed.  Her yogurt eating had stopped; she was sitting on her knees waiting for my answer.

“Orphanages.”

“Where do you find that babies that are on the streets?”

My mind began to wrap around the fact that she was not just chatting with me over breakfast.  Something deeper was going on in her heart.  Normally this time of day I hear about her dreams from the night before or what she wants to do for the day; but ‘babies on the streets’?  Where did this come from?

I answered her as best I could, “That would probably be in other countries.  There are other countries where babies are left on the streets.”

She picked up my cell phone that was sitting beside my coffee cup and asked if I could show her pictures of the countries that have babies that are living on the streets.  “Where are they, Mom?  Can you show me a picture?”

I quickly racked my brain for how I would Google that?  I then remembered the story my friend told me about the child she found on the streets.  The little girl who had no one.   The little girl who found a missionary to be her Mommy.   I started telling her about my dear missionary friend. 

“Do you have her picture?” 

I pulled up Facebook and search her name.  I showed her my missionary friend and told her how her daughter is all grown up now and has started an orphanage for children who live on the streets just like she used to.  “Perhaps God will have you go to another country and start an orphanage for babies who are left on the streets.  Then you can tell the children about Jesus and how He loves them!” 

Her eyes opened wide, “China!  Do they have orphanages in China?”

“Yes, I am sure they do; but missionaries cannot go over to China.  It is against the government rules.   

Perhaps you should pray that God will make the government change its mind and allow missionaries to come and tell the children about Jesus.”

“Does the government ever go on vacation?  Then I could sneak in and start an orphanage and tell the children about Jesus.”  She stopped and thought for a moment, her look of hopefulness changed to despair.   

“But I don’t know how to talk to the children about Jesus in their words.”

“You could learn.”

“But it would be really really hard.  What if I couldn’t do it?”

I realized at that moment, that this was going to be the most important conversation I had all day long.  “Anna, if God wants you to go to another country and tell the children there about Jesus – He will help you learn to speak their words.”

“Where do you go to learn how to speak their words?”

“Language school.  Missionaries go to language school all the time.  They teach lots and lots of missionaries how to speak the languages of other countries so that they can tell people about Jesus.”

With the language barrier taken care of she continue talking, “So there are babies that live in the streets?”

“Yes.”

“But what if soldiers came and didn’t want me to tell the children about Jesus?”

 She was counting the cost.  It almost took my breath away.  How do you answer this – how do you explain this to a seven year old?  “There are lots of counties where the soldiers want you to come and help the babies that live in the streets – because they are good soldiers. They want the children there to be taken care of and know they are loved.”

“In China?”

“I don’t know about China.” I answer.

“Probably not in China,” she said contemplatively, “In China they don’t want missionaries.  You know that man and lady that got married and went to China?”

I knew to whom she was referring to because she has mentioned them before - many times before.  “Yes, John and Betty Stam.”

“They went to China to tell people about Jesus; and the soldiers came and cut off their heads.  They hid their baby from the soldiers.  They died when they went to tell people about Jesus.”

“Yes, but when they did they went right to Heaven.  Jesus took them right to Heaven.”

“What if go to help the babies in the streets and tell them about Jesus and the soldiers come and cut off my head?”  Our eyes locked and I could see tears in hers.

“You would go right to Heaven.” I looked her straight in the eye.  I refused to assure her that something like that would not happen.  It could.  It does.  Even as we were having breakfast there that morning – there are people somewhere in this world who are paying a price for the cause. 

“I don’t want my head to get cut off.”  She sat in silence for a few moments then she said, “But the children need someone to tell them about Jesus.”

She is seven.  I don’t know how old I was when I first counted the cost.    I am pretty sure I was not in first grade. 

If we claim the name of Christ then we must take time to count the cost.     

The dilemma:  The cross of Christ could cost us all we have on this earth (even our very lives) – but the children need someone to tell them about Jesus. 

God is so Good - Month in Review - April

The days are getting warmer; and it feels wonderful in the morning to be awakened to the sounds of birds singing outside.    We have spied several different types of birds coming to the feeders.  We have a flock of blue jays that regularly feed, several woodpeckers, pigeons and of course a lot of sparrows.  It is fun to watch the difference in the temperaments of so many of the different birds. The humming birds have found their nectar also; and regularly hum in to take a drink.     Anna, Zak and I will often take time before we start our school day to sit on the porch and watch the birds coming and going.

My husband brought me home a new bird feeder the other night.  I had wanted to place one in the back yard so I could watch the birds from the kitchen table.  It has been fun to watch the birds find the new feeder and we have even seen some new ones coming and going.  I about gave the entire family a heart attack the other night when we were eating dinner as a family – and I spotted a beautiful yellow bird sitting at the feeder.  I was so excited.  The whole family got a good laugh at my excitement when they were able to catch their breath from being so surprised by my outburst.  I love watching birds!

The tomato garden has been planted.  I had been told by my teenage son the hand tilling the garden would be a job that would be too hard for me.  ( I took his statement as a challenge and set out the other morning to prove him wrong.)  It was difficult; but not really too bad.  I had the small plot hand dug and tilled in about two hours time.  It was so much easier to do it this year.  Last year Rob had done the tilling.  He had worked so hard out there for an entire evening one night.  The next night he had awoken and we had found the tumor on his thyroid. (There had been no garden last year).    While I was out there digging, I was thanking the Lord for all of Rob’s work last year – because it had made the job this year so much easier.  I was also meditating on how good God has been to us.  We have seen Him do some miraculous things in our lives.  I just kept digging and thanking the Lord that He had allowed us to still be together as a family.  God is good – and the tomatoes are in.

The Amish neighbors have visited a few times and we have been able to talk with them a bit more.  I have sold some of the eggs to them; and it seems they are interested in making that a regular transaction.  I still cannot believe that our nearest neighbors are Amish.  I love hearing the horse and buggy go past the house.  They have been working with their horse to get her familiar with the roads here.  Thor always puts up quite a racket when they go by and I am always so fearful that he will cause a catastrophe with the wagon; but they tell me to please let him be – as they are using him to help train their horse for how to respond when dogs bark as they go by.  It must have worked; because this morning they took the horse out further and when they returned - there was a line of four different dogs barking and following their wagon.  It looked so funny!  I enjoy so much living in the country!  

Zak has had a tough month with his meds; but we look like we are getting to a little more stable ground with that.  Several years ago, we had been warned that puberty can be a very difficult time for a child with brain injuries and issues.  This has proven to be very true.  We are taking it one step at a time.  His Tourettes symptoms seem to be much worse than we have seen before.  At this time, that seems to be the biggest issue and hardest for him to get used to.  We are so thankful for a wonderful doctor that works with us in regards to his care.  God has given wisdom and we are trusting that He will continue to do that in the future.  God has surely used Zak’s health issues to be an opportunity for us to depend upon God more; and for us to be able to teach Zak that He can run to God when he is having a difficult day.  We are so blessed to have Zak in our family.  

The bridge Zak built over a hole in the woods.  He rides his bike on it. 

Because of the setbacks we have had with Zak we have had to revamp some of his school.  We took several steps back (it seems); but we seem to be making strides getting the things that it appeared we had lost back again.  Rob and I started praying about how to work with him with his school.  We decided to do school with Zak and Anna  together.  This way, he is hearing what Anna is doing - and getting the review through that.  He is also challenged with having her close by; not so much competing against her; but in having someone to do his flashcards and his phonics reviews with him.  It has been good for Anna; because she is hearing things for the next grade up while Zak reviews his things too.  Overall, this has been very successful.  Because of the setbacks; and also with Zak's brain issues we have decided to continue to do school through the summer - albeit on a smaller scale than a full school day.  Both Anna and Zak are excited that we do not have to stop doing school for the summer.  Go figure. 

Anna asked me the other day to tell her more stories from the Bible that talk about obedience.  She said as seriously as she could, “I need you to keep telling me those stories, Mom.  I’m just having trouble getting obedience down.”    I laughed.  We also have been reading from the Little House series.  One evening Anna and I sat by the camp fire and read about Laura and Mary and their house on the prairie.  It was fun reading by the fire and watching the sun set and the moon come out over the trees.   Anna has also enjoyed having James read to her in the evenings.  Rob required James to read to his sister each evening as a part of his speech requirements.  It was fun to watch them enjoy an old book of Rob’s from when he was a boy.  It seems that our Anna is quite captivated with the “Three Investigators.”  

Abbey ran another 5K this month.  She had her best time yet; and was able to run with her friend.  Sarah surprised her and signed up for the race.  It was fun to watch the two of them run together. Abbey finished first place in her division and Sarah finished second!  They had a fun morning.  It still shocks me that Abbey loves to run; but indeed she does.  As soon as she gets home from work, she comes in and gets ready for her run.  Thor loves it when he sees her get her shoes on and pleads with her to hurry up so he can go with her.  It is fun to watch.

Rachel has had her violin out more; and I have been thrilled to hear the music filling the house.  She seldom has time to practice and play; however, she is planning on taking lessons while she is in college.  She figured she better find the time to practice and get brushed up on her playing.  She also has been teaching Anna violin.  The other night, she and Anna took their lessons outside on the front porch.  It was fun to listen to them play.  

James has been busy working at different farms in the area.  His calf is doing well; and he has not had really any issues with it like we did the last calf he had.  Every evening he goes up to do his farm chores.  The other night Abbey took him up to the farm.  They were late in getting home for dinner; and when they finally arrived James walked in carrying a bag of glass.  I will let the following pictures tell the rest of the story - or at least how the story was told to Rob.  Life has a way of teaching valuable lessons; and it seems there is never a dull moment with teenagers in the house. 

We enjoyed a family fun day.  We had planned on going bowling; but we were not able to go.  The kids enjoyed playing some of the video games there and we had a fun lunch at a nearby hamburger restaurant.  It was fun to be together as a family.  We are realizing that these days are coming to an end when we will have all the kids here to do stuff all together as a family.  It is exciting as we watch the older kids’ lives open up and branch out; but we are planning on taking just a few more opportunities than we normally do to enjoy some family outings before Rachel leaves for college this fall.  We have several things on the calendar for this summer. 

Our church hosted a ladies tea this month.  It was fun finally being able to go to the ladies tea.  Each year something has come up last minute that has prevented me from being able to attend.  This year – I was there!  It was a fun morning and Anna and I enjoyed being able to sit together.  I was extremely blessed by the devotional that was given and have meditated upon the goodness of God to me.  Truly I am loved and cherished by my Heavenly Father.  He has been so good to me.   

We are looking for a very busy month of May as our calendar is very full.  God has been so good to us.  We are looking for Him to provide for some very important things that we need; and find ourselves excited to see how He does it. 

 Thanks for stopping by – I am so glad you did.

Blessings,

~Martie