6 Ways to Strengthen the Friendship with Your Husband

I have set aside Fridays on the blog for posts dealing with family / relationships.  I am excited about several upcoming posts I have been working on.  I hope you will take time each Friday to join me as we focus on how to deepen family relationships. 

For the first Family Friday blog post I want to focus on different ways to deepen your friendship with your husband.  It seems to be that becoming friends is so easy when we are dating; but after marriage comes (and for sure after kids come) life gets crazy.  It is easy to forget that this man that you fell in love with is not just your husband but your friend.  When kids are asking: “What’s for dinner?”; and people in the grocery store are asking: “Are *all* of those kids yours?” it is easy for us to forget that the man whom we promised the rest of our lives needs our attention too.  So what are some ways we can deepen our friendship with our husband? 

1.  TAKE TIME

Having kids means that life is crazy busy (and that is for whatever stage you are in with your kids)!  Sometimes the only way for us to have time with our husbands is to actually make the time.  Ladies, kids grow up  - they won’t always be in our home forever; but our husband will be with us years after the kids are gone (Lord willing).  Our marriages are worth investing in.  Taking time to be able to be together is important in caring for the relationship you have with your husband.  Here are some ways we have found to take the time to invest in one another:

* Weekly (or biweekly) date nights.  

 Having time out of the house just the two of you is important.  For one thing, if your kids are anything like ours – it is hard to get a full conversation in without getting interrupted several times.   We have one night out of the week that we set aside for date nights.  (Future post coming on different date night ideas).  I would encourage every married woman to try to work into her schedule a date night with her husband. 

* Dad and Mom Time. 

Rob and I try (and this is very hard sometimes with 5 kids in the house) to make the first 15 minutes or so “Dad and Mom” time.  It’s good to reconnect when Rob gets home from work and be able to share about our day with each other.  If there are issues with the kids I am able to talk with him about them then.  Sometimes he comes into the kitchen and we chat while I am working on dinner.  Other times we try to go in the front room, sit on the couch and just chat about our day.  The problem we have with making this work is that we do have 5 kids; and two little ones who are *so* excited to see Daddy when he gets home from work.  This makes there to be quite a bit of competition as to who gets to spend time with Dad first.  J 

*Take a walk together and talk.  

 In the summer and when the weather is nice we like to take a few minutes after dinner to go for a walk together.  If the kids have won out and caught Dad when he got home from work – this is when we catch up about our day.  Sometimes we just go out in the yard and walk around.  (This is not our exercise time – it is a leisurely walk)  We walk hand in hand and just talk.  It is one of my favorite times of the day! 

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2.  Touch

While this may seem so basic; I am amazed at how many married couples I see who never hold each others hands or whom I never see having any physical contact with each other.  I remember when we were dating in Bible College and more than anything we just wanted to hold each others hand and just touch. It was against the rules – and I could not wait till we got married and could hold hands whenever we wanted!   I think it is sad that so many times after a couple gets married they just stop holding hands.  I would encourage you to look for opportunities to touch.  Next time the two of you are walking into church together, hold each others hands.  I love attending church together as a family; and I love when we are standing in church singing – when I feel my husband reach for my hand! I would encourage you to look for ways that you can connect with your husband through touch.  Go ahead – reach out and touch someone - your husband! 

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3. Pass Notes to Each Other

Rob and I are old school when it comes to technology.  If you don’t believe me ask our kids!  They have horror stories about how old school we really are.  One of the things that my husband cannot comprehend is how our kids can take what would have been a 5 minute conversation on the phone and turn it into a 20 minute texting “session”.  Texting can be a bad thing; but when it can be a tool too!  Rob and I have had so much fun using our phone to text messages back and forth to each other.  I cannot tell you how encouraging it can be to hear my phone ‘ding’ and find a text from Rob telling me how much he appreciates me.  When we were first married, we would leave notes for each other around the house.  (What can I say, we were young and in love!)  Texting can do the same thing – only faster!  There are times when I know my husband is working and will not look at his phone right at that moment; I send him a text to get later on when he takes his break or when he is getting ready to head home.   I would encourage you to use the texting feature on your phone to be an encouragement to your husband.  (You can also flirt with him through texting but make sure that the kids aren’t borrowing Dad’s phone – unless you want to answer some uncomfortable questions or have the phone handed to you with your kid’s laughter in the background!)

4.  Kiss

While this can go hand in hand with touch (no pun intended there), I made it a category all it's own.  Remember how much you loved kissing when you were first married?  I know embarassing question!  However, sometimes life can get so hectic that we forget that kissing can be an awesome way to stop the hectic world for a few seconds and have it be just the two of you.  Rob almost always kisses me goodbye in the morning when he leaves for work and hello in the evening when he gets home from work.  If I go to see him at work - I don't leave without kissing him goodbye. Just the other day I kissed him goodbye at work and an old lady looked at me and winked as I was leaving.  At Zak's last doctor's visit he told his pediatrician, "My Dad kisses my Mom as soon as he gets home from work - and it makes me want to puke!"  The doctor looked at me and smiled.  I think it is interesting that the kids always make a big deal about it when Rob gives me a kiss - but they always keep looking to watch when he does.  Kids need to see their Dad and Mom interacting together. Hollywood is out to portray love in a dirty connotation - what better way for kids to grow up with a correct view of love than to see Dad and Mom holding hands and kissing every day? 

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5. Share Interests

It is important for couples to have hobbies that they are able to share together as a couple.  For some couples, their shared common interests are what brought them together.  For other couples, some effort has to be made to find something they both enjoy doing together.  When Rob and I got married, I did not realize how much he enjoyed sports.  Through the years I have learned how to watch a football game and found that I can enjoy it!  Rob did not have any sisters in his home – so he has had to work at sharing in some of my interests.  (No matter how hard he tries – he *still* looks painfully bored when shopping with me in Hobby Lobby!)  A lot of our lives have been doing ministry things together.  We have so many memories of youth activities that we planned together in our front room; or even washing dishes together long after a missionary and his family have left our house after a wonderful evening of fellowship.  As a wife, I would challenge you to look for things that interest your husband and try to get involved and be interested in what he enjoys.  One of my friends even took up hunting so she could spend time with your husband! She commented to me that she realized she could complain about him being so wrapped up in hunting that she never saw him – or she could join him.  He was thrilled to have her come along with him and they have hunted together for years.   

6.  Pray for your husband

This is the most important thing you can do to strengthen your relationship with your husband.  A while back I started praying for my husband in regards to something I knew he was struggling with in his walk with God.  During one of our date nights he shared with me some theological questions with which he was wrestling. After that date night, I started praying specifically for that need that he had talked to me about.  A couple of weeks later, Rob and I were laying in bed talking and he started telling me how real and meaningful his devotions had been and how God had been showing him answers to things he and I had talked about a few weeks earlier.  It was so exciting to hear how God was working in His life and how God had led me to pray specifically for that need I saw in my husband’s heart.  I saw a poster sign on Facebook that asked “Are you praying about your husband or for your husband?”  I loved that.  I want my prayers for my husband to not be a list of complaints to God about everything I don’t like about Rob or how I want him to change.  I want to be praying FOR him. 

Since our marriages are a picture of Christ and the church it is so important that we have marriages that are strong and thriving!  Looking for ways to deepen the friendship you share with your husband will help your marriage relationship.  If your marriage is strong in the friendship area – this will help to strengthen it even more.  If your marriage relationship with your husband is weak or struggling right now – this will help in opening doors that can start the strengthening process.  I dare you to attempt every day this next week to do something each day to let your husband know, “You are my best friend – I am so glad I am married to you!”

Thanks so much for stopping by.  I am so glad you did.  I hope you have a wonderful weekend and will be able to join me on Monday for Devotional Monday.  

Blessings,

~Martie

God Sees Christ

I’ve seen #theDress.  I’ve seen it blue and black, only to look back a few hours later and see it gold and white.  I’ve read the articles explaining they why’s and been amazed that two people can see the exact same thing totally different.

 

I should not be amazed by that fact – because I have been married for almost 25 years and I have seen over and over again how two different people can see the exact same thing completely different.  It is one of the mysteries of married life.

There is another mystery of which #theDress reminded me – and it is far more supernatural than a matter of perspective and pixels.  #theDress has reminded me of a Biblical doctrine I hold dear.

Imputed Righteousness is a big doctrinal term that simply means that the moment I accepted Christ as the payment for my sins and placed my dependence upon Him in faith – God no longer sees my sin but sees instead Christ’s perfect righteousness.

God is just and holy and without sin.  God hates sin.  The Bible says He cannot even look at sin – He is THAT holy.  The problem is that there is a holy God; but I am sinful.  A God who loves all mankind – me; but who cannot look at my sin. 

But Christ…

He came, He died and He paid for my sins.  Grace poured out freely for all who will accept His sacrifice a complete pardon is offered.  It works like this, God cannot look upon sin; but He loves me.  So He sent His son to pay the payment for my sin – to take care of the fine that had been incurred because of my sin (separation from the God who loves me but cannot be around or look upon sin).  In His love, He showed me His gift  - Christ Himself. He promised if I would depend upon what Christ did I would find freedom from the sentence of separation from a holy God. 

Yet, how could this work?  How could a God who is just and holy and cannot be around sin – have a relationship with me – even if I accepted the offer?  I’m still sinful.  One sin – has made me a sinner for life. 

Here is where the doctrine of imputed righteousness comes into play.  God has set it up that when I accept by faith what Christ did when He paid the price for all my sin – God applies the righteousness of Jesus Christ to my sin.  In other words, when God looks at me – He no longer sees my sin – He sees the righteousness of Christ.  No longer is there a separation between me and God (my sin).   There is a way now for me to know and experience the fullness of the love of God – thru Jesus Christ.

It’s like #theDress; some see gold and white while others see black and blue.  I can see my sin, friends and family can see my sin; but since the day I accepted Christ’s work on the cross – God looks down and no longer sees sin – He sees Christ.  There are no blemishes, no stains, and no sin.  So when God looks at me He sees Christ’s purity.  The color we would use to describe this would be white.     Jesus Christ died on the cross and paid for my sins; and for yours too. 

I have accepted His payment for my sins and I now am able to have a personal relationship with God.  He sees me as pure – clean from sin because of Christ.   His offer is still valid.  “Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”  If you have not accepted His gift I would beg you to do so today.  There is nothing more beautiful than a relationship with a loving God.   It truly is my most valued treasure. 

So, when God looks at you what does he see – sin or Christ?  

Book Review: Victory in Christ

Book of the Month Review

Sometime ago I was challenged to read through the book:  Victory in Christ by Charles Trumbull.  What I found within the pages of this classic book has brought such clarity to what the Christian life is all about.  I sat down to read it once; but found such truth and freedom as I read, I felt compelled to read and re-read it again.  I believe within the last year and a half I have read through this book seven times.  Each time, I am challenged again to confront wrong thinking patterns that have been established in my head.  This book has had such an impact on my life and for that reason I have chosen it for this month’s book review.

I have never believed in a legalistic salvation.  If there is something that I must do in order to be saved – some good work or deed it ceases to be of grace and is not Bible salvation.  I know this to be true.  Salvation is a work of God Himself, a gift to me if I choose to accept it.

However, for a long time in my life I had adopted a legalistic view of sanctification.  While I knew that there was nothing I needed to do in order to be saved from sin; I found myself believing that there was A LOT I needed to do in order to live the Christian life.  While there was no physical list attached to my fridge readily available for me to check off as I complete each task; there was a mental one.  The longer I was saved and trying to live the Christian life, the more checks I kept mentally making on my list – the more tired I became.  I was tired because I was trying to live the Christian life in the strength of my flesh – my effort.  Only Christ can live the Christian life – I cannot in my own effort accomplish such a divine task.

Charles Trumbull really challenges this philosophy and mindset in his book Victory in Christ.   He explains that, “We make the mistake of thinking that we must share in doing what only God can do.”  As I read these words I realized I was reading a truth for which I had been searching for a long time; and a piercing question kept coming to my mind:  

“Could it be possible to have a correct view of salvation by faith in Christ alone but have a legalistic view of sanctification?”

“Freedom from the power of sin, just as from the penalty of sin, is received as an outright gift. By faith you let him do it all.”  -Charles Trumbull

In the chapter, ‘Real and Counterfeit Victory’, the author exposes the philosophy that I had adopted as how the Christian life is lived.  This paragraph caught my eye and I marked it in the book as something I needed to mediate upon:

I read not long ago some extracts from a sermon by a well-known preacher, and they were something like this: “We all of us need to do weeding, rooting up the bad weeds in the garden of our own life.  The thing to do is to give your attention to some weed, some sin that has taken root in your life, and with prayer and effort dig it up  It may take you a long time, but keep at it day after day, week after week, month after month if necessary, till you have weeded that sin out  After you have gotten rid of that sin, take another, and keep at that tell you have weeded it out  And then another and another of  the sins of your life, till you have made your garden what it ought to be.”

This pretty much sums up how I viewed the Christian life.  This philosophy is the reason why I was SO tired and defeated as I just kept trying harder and harder to live the Christian life.  (Something that is impossible to do!  You fail all the time).   My eyes started to be opened to the truth of the Christian life.

A legalistic view of sanctification is just as much a false doctrine as a legalistic view of justification!

How much more clearly I understood the verse I have committed to memory years ago as a teenager at summer camp.  “As you therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him.”  Colossians 2:6.  I loved what Trumbull had to say in regards to this verse:

“We are to walk in Christ.  But how? Just as we received him.  And how did we receive Christ? By setting our teeth and saying, “There, thank God, I am going to help Him get me born again”? No! We received Him by faith.:  We received Him as the gift of God.  That’s the way we are to walk.  “As you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him.”

I cannot fully explain in words what freedom and liberty I found in these truths.  I highlighted this quote and reviewed it over and over again: 

“The same faith you exercised for your salvation is the only faith you need for victory.”

If I can trust God for the salvation of my soul from the penalty of sin – I can trust Him for the salvation of my soul from the power of sin.  The Christian life is a life of faith – just like salvation is!  It is not an effort of the flesh – I don’t have to keep trying to impress God and be worthy of Him.  The work is already done.

I HIGHLY recommend this book.  If you have grown up in Christianity (as I have) I think you will be especially challenged by the truths within this book that shed light on the philosophies that are so easily adopted to what it means to live the Christian life. 

The book is a short easy read.  I took one chapter a day and read it during my Bible reading time.  There is a lot of meat in each chapter – so you could take a chapter a week and really have plenty to meditate upon.  I would encourage anyone who calls themselves a Christian to take the time to read this classic book!  There are several places where you can purchase this book; I have found a lot of helpful reading on the subject of the Christian life from Revival Focus.