The Choice

We were eating dinner when my ten year old daughter asked the question: “What’s abortion?”

It hung in the air – over the dinner table – waiting for an answer. How do you explain something so horrific?  “It’s when they take a baby out of a Mommy’s tummy before it can live on its own…and let it die.”

She couldn’t understand, why people would make a Mommy take a baby out of her tummy before it was ready to be born.

I tried to sound gracious; but there isn’t a gracious way to truthfully explain abortion.  Both my children were unable to understand what they were hearing. I quietly, stated it in a term they could understand:   “It’s murder.” 

My husband explained that some people don’t believe a baby is a baby until it can live outside of the mommy’s tummy on its own.  That some people say that it is just a mass of cells until it is born. That some people feel that if a mom doesn’t want it in her tummy – it’s in her body and she has the right to take it out. He explained that some moms choose to have an abortion because they find out that something is wrong with their baby. 

Anna’s response was short but profound, “But that’s selfish.”

It’s true, if you tell a lie long enough and loud enough, people will believe it.  But history has proven that one of deception’s greatest enemies is time.  Time has a way of revealing truth.  Truth exposes liars for who they are.  Time revealed Hitler’s wicked heart -- the blood of thousands cries from the grave begging for justice.  God Himself will avenge their deaths – justice will be served.  History will repeat itself, abortion will have its day of reckoning.

My son’s emotions rose within him and his words spilled out, “That’s stupid – no, that’s way beyond stupid!  How many babies does this happens to?”    I told him a lot, but his autistic mind wanted a number.  So, Rob pulled out his phone and googled the question.

The awful statistics came up:  in America alone, three thousand babies’ hearts are made to stop beating – every single day! Let that number sink in – 3,000. 

Zak’s mind was starting to connect the dots, “Like with me – and autism?   So, some people would find out that their baby has autism and would just kill it?”

I explained that things like autism can’t be seen in the tests they do before birth; but genetic issues like Down syndrome or birth defects would show up before a baby was born.

“Do I have that…Down syndrome?”  His fork has stopped midair.

“No,” I thought, but didn’t say, “you have Autism, Tourette’s syndrome, Cognitive and Developmental delays, Chronic hypertension – caused, most likely, from Fetal alcohol syndrome which has also caused the hearing loss that necessitates your two hearing aids.”  

I looked into his eyes, and answered truthfully, “No, you don’t have Down syndrome.”

“I have lots of issues…why wasn’t I aborted?” I marveled at his deductive reasoning. 

My words came out with conviction, “Because your biological mom made the choice - to let you be born!”

For a moment, I thought of all the children that will never be.  All the laughter that will never be heard.  All the beauty that will never be enjoyed.  This ‘way beyond stupid’ thing called abortion has changed life more than we realize.   

Each year, around the world, over fifty million babies’ hearts are made to stop beating – and while their lives are tragically gone, we rarely contemplate that our lives suffer because of it.  So many wonderful things that could be added to life, and family, and community are just - gone.  Life goes on without realizing how much - or how many - are missing. 

The four of us began clearing off the table - adoption has made us a family.  Both of them were “unplanned” and had mothers who had to make a choice.  They chose life.  

Every single day their choice makes my world more colorful, more beautiful, and more wonderful! I will forever be grateful they chose life – and in turn added richly to mine. 

On the Day He was Born

On the day he was born - I had no idea that he would become part of our family in a little more than a year.

I have tried, in vain, to try to piece together where I was and what I was doing on the day he was born.  I was busy cleaning the house, doing laundry, teaching kids, perhaps practicing piano or writing; and at the very same time miles away from where I lived a little baby boy (my son) was taking his first breath.  A little boy that would change my life - started his life without me.

How much did he weigh?  What was his apgar score? 
Was he born in a hospital or at home?
Seconds after he was born did he cry loudly or softly?  Did he cry at all?
Did someone hold him in their arms?  Was anyone awestruck when looking at his little face and hands that life is precious and beautiful?
Did he feel loved and cherished or alone and helpless?

All these questions will remain unanswered on this earth.

I don't know all the little details surrounding the moments and hours after he took his first breath; but I know that God was there.  God heard his first cries and was mesmerized by this one so little and tiny; because God had a plan for his life.  The all loving God of the universe watched him as he slept and loved him.  I have no doubt in my mind that God's protection surrounded him as a baby; and while I was just going through the everyday routine of my day - God was keeping him safe for me, and preparing my heart for him. 

I was so fearful when we started the adoption process that we would "end up" with a child that had debilitating issues because of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  It was the one reason I was afraid to adopt.  I begged God to make sure He protected us from getting a child with FAS.  If there was one reason I would have not adopted it would have been that reason.  I was also terrified of autism.  I told God that I would trust that He would make sure that we did not have a child with autism.   

I have learned that God does not keep us away from the things that scare us - He delivers us from our fears.

Zak has Autism, and FAS, and TS, and Celiac Disease - and perhaps the list will grow.  I am not as afraid of those words as I was thirteen years ago.    Sometimes, the uncertainty that comes with those words still scares me; but those words are teaching me just how big my God is.  He has the power to cure autism and spare growing brains from the effects of alcohol; but sometimes He chooses to do something even bigger -  He chooses to let us see that He is more powerful than these disabilities.

 I have learned about my God through Zak's disabilities. 

On the day Zak was born - God was preparing a beautiful gift for me.  I have learned about faith through Zak.  I have been given a beautiful gift from God in this boy.  His eyelashes are still long and beautiful.  I love his smile and when he laughs it envelops the entire house.  But most of all, Zak is a boy who is in love with his God.  He talks about Him all the time - and there is nothing God cannot do.  I have watched Zak depend upon God to meet his needs and been challenged by his faith. 

God delights to deliver us from our fears; not always by removing us or keeping us from the things that scare us; but by pouring out grace upon us as we live in dependence on God in the midst of our fears.  

This week we celebrate his birthday - I cannot believe we have entered the teen years already!   Happy Birthday, Zak.  I am so glad God put you in our family!  You are, without a doubt, God's gift to me.  I love you! 

Think Life

“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.”  Psalm 19:14

Photo:  Rachel Spurgeon

There is a verse in the Bible that says, “As a man thinketh in his heart – so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7)  We have all heard the saying, “You are what you eat”; but it is just as true, “You become what you think.”  Guarding our thought life is of utmost importance in our walk with Christ.

Because we live in a fallen world were sin abounds, there is plenty for us to think of that is not honoring to God.  We go through our lives every day and encounter people or life situations that can cause us to start thinking on things that will not bring glory to God.  There is plenty of negative things to think about on a daily basis.  We will walk through life and get hurt – it’s just how it works.  How I respond to hurt will determine if I become better or bitter.    Have you ever spent time with a person who is always negative?  Critical people turn into bitter people in time.  The Bible calls bitterness a root that springs up within us and hurts a lot of people. 

If we don’t want to get bitter, it is imperative that we guard our thought life.  There are so many good things to think about in life.  In fact, there are more good things to think about than there are bad!  The Bible says, “Where sin abounded – grace abounded MORE!”  

I know that I do not want to walk through life bitter.  I want my life to impact others for Christ and for the sake of the gospel.  Bitter people impact others; but it is never in a positive nature.   Bitterness is kept at bay when the thoughts that I have are acceptable to God.  The things I am dwelling on should be things that please the Lord.  Those who are bitter have established thought patterns where they are constantly reviewing past instances where they were hurt or where someone did them wrong.  Their lives become a mission of trying to get even with those whom they feel have hurt them.  Bitter people walk though life feeling like they are a victim. 

God has saved me from my sin, allowed me to be freed from the power of sin as I walk the Christian life and has given me the Holy Spirit and His power to live my life victoriously.  The Christian life is a life of Victory!  When our thoughts are centered on God and truth any situation we encounter in life can have a positive affect upon us.  Romans 8:28 give us assurance that we don't have to be a victim to the bad things we encounter in life.  Everything we encounter in life will result in our GOOD if we love God!  How positive is that?   

So what are some things that I can meditate upon in my heart that are acceptable to God in a world where I am often confronted with hurt or hurtful people?

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1.  God is ALWAYS good.  

My God is a God of love.  He never does anything to me – always FOR my good.  I can trust that I serve a great God – even when I encounter difficulty.  Situations in life do not change the goodness of God.  God will ALWAYS love me and is always working for my good.  The Lord is MY shepherd… and He cares for me deeply.   From Him comes all I will ever need. 

Photo:  Rachel Spurgeon

2.  God Does Not Deal with Me in Anger

There are some who are quick to put a stamp on those going through difficult times as those who are under the wrath of God. God lovingly corrects His child; but He never deals with them in anger and wrath.  I can rest secure in the love of God and say with confidence that when trials come, God is walking beside me strengthening me through the trial – not judging me in anger and wrath. God allows trials to come and will use them in our lives to draw us closer to Him.  Never do I need to fear that God’s wrath and anger being poured out upon me.  I am His and He is mine.  Jesus Christ endured the wrath of God for me. What security this brings to me in times of difficulty.  Even in difficulty I never have to fear God's wrath - for He deals with me as His child and I am secure. 

3. Grace Abounds

One positive truth in the Bible is that Grace is always available.  Nothing that I have done is so bad that there is not grace available for that sin.  No situation I encounter as a Christian is too difficult that grace cannot be given.  I can always ask for grace and He gives more grace than I would ever need.  Mega Grace is available for me whenever I need it!  Experiencing God's grace to me enables me to show grace to others in their needs.  The bitter people that we come in contact with that seek to destroy us?  I can give them grace because God has given me grace.  The Holy Spirit will empower me with God's  love for difficult people.  I need only depend upon Him to do so. It's a miraculous work of God to encounter difficulties in life and to find more grace than I need to handle the situation.  Grace to love and forgive.  Grace to press on when strength fails and life is hard.  "He gives MORE grace...."  

4. He Blesses Me Abundantly Everyday

Psalm 68:19 says, “Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits…”  Every single day, no matter what bad I encounter in my day , God’s blessings are present.  If I look for them, I will find them.  One of the key things in working through depression is getting our minds to focus and think on all the good that we have been given from God.  The good things we have from God did not just happen on the day we got saved. Every single day He gives us blessings.  When I am dwelling on the blessings of God, negative thinking will stop and worshiping God will begin!  Have you counted your blessings today? 

5. All Will Be Made Right

Because we live in a fallen word there are injustices in this life.  Things happen in this life that we label, “Not fair!”  We have heard it said that, “Life is not fair”; and indeed that is correct.

Good people get cancer and die young.  That’s “not fair!”. 

Unborn babies, who have not choice in the matter, have selfish mothers who abuse drugs and alcohol while they are pregnant and pass onto their children neurological health defects that will forever handicap a child.  That’s “not fair!”. 

There are children growing up lonely and insecure because of parents that are not committed to their responsibilities as a parent.  That’s “not fair!” 

Photo:  Rachel Spurgeon

Someday all that is not fair in this life will be made right.  When going through a difficult trial that seems unfair, I can trust that someday it will all be made right.  Lies will be exposed and truth will be known.  Every knee will bow and all will surrender to God - the just ruler of all.  I can rest assured that it will happen.  Someday I will live in a perfect word – God will be there and I will worship Him and all will be right.  I look forward to that day.

These are truths I can meditate upon and rest in.  When I am focusing my thoughts on truth – the outcome will be a life of peace.  How sweet it is to pillow my head at night and know that there is nothing between me and God.  "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." (Isaiah 26:3)  What I think on is directly linked to how much peace I experience on a day to day basis.  When my mind is stayed on God - when I trust Him - I experience complete peace. 

We will become what we think.  Am I thinking truth and focusing on the beauty of the Christian life?  Or, am I choosing to allow my thoughts to be bitter and critical towards the difficulties I encounter in life?  It has been rightly said:  “Bitter people – hurt People”.  As for me, I want to build people.  My thoughts must be acceptable to God in order to have a positive influence upon those with whom I come in contact.  The words of my mouth, the meditation of my heart must be found acceptable to God in order to accomplish a life of edification of others. 

I trust you are guarding your thoughts.  Think truth.  Build lives.  Glorify God.

Thanks for stopping by.  I’m so glad you did!

Blessings,

~Martie