There's an App for That
“What did you let him/ her do that?”
"Why would she feel that way?"
"Do I have favorites?"
"Am I being fair?"
"Why isn’t life fair?"
With that all said, I will say that it is easier to go into default mode than to have to tread down all these paths of questions to get to an answer. (Because almost always when you do get to an answer you are pretty sure that for some reason or another you choose the wrong one.)
The juice spills.
The whole neighborhood comes over and wants a drink.
The spot remover does not take out the spot on the shirt.
Default mode is this: Answer ‘no’ to every question. It is easy, it is fast and the scenario is done in a matter of seconds. There can be an element of guilt involved; but my life I'm busy enough that I don't have time at the moment to think about any other factors after default mode has been used. Just say 'no' and get back to whatever I am doing.
Default mode is great! Until you get to bed at night. Default mode has a way to come back to haunt you. It only happens at night when the kids are asleep and the husband is asleep and you hear snoring and the clock ticking in the kitchen. That is when you the 'default guilt rears it's head. That is when you see the look in your child’s eyes after you got done saying no for the sixth time that day. In those early hours of the morning that is when you realize that your day to day is not filled with fun. Just business as usual.
Well, late at night the other night, when I was in deep question of my default mode method I decided that I was going to change my computer programming to including more “yes” answers. Install a new program, so to speak. Along with that upgrade I was going to not allow there to be a slew of questioning and self examination at my new answer. I was going to say “yes” and allow the kids to enjoy more things. I was going to be parenting on purpose. To realize that there are spills and accidents. There are times when it is easier to say no; but that way tends to make all those involved feel like they are in a rut. There are also other parents and neighbors who will question my “yes” and even think that I should have said “no”. (Seems there is always a parent somewhere who would have done it different than me.) That night in bed I decided to enjoy my kids. To say 'yes' and to let the chips fall where they may.