I asked the Lord where He wanted me to read. The house was quiet. The children resting. I heard the still small voice calling me to come.
I settled into the comfortable chair, wrapped the blanket tightly around my legs and opened to the passage. A familiar one. I have read it before. Many times.
I started reading and came to the verses I knew so well.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths...."
I stopped and meditated. My eyes went to the notes towards the bottom of the page. (Study Bibles are worth their weight in gold!)
I read the notes: "The verb trust is complemented by the verb 'lean'. Trusting in God is a conscious dependence on God, much like leaning on a tree for support."
I stopped. He has been teaching me about grace. Grace is when God enables me to do a task. (Divine Enablement" - I have heard it called). My mind started to think about all the areas of my life where I need Divine help.
Parenting a special needs child
Parenting a 'normal' child
Being the wife my husband needs
Being a Friend
The list went on - so many areas where in my own strength I mess things up - big time! (I know by experience)
Then it hit me - Trusting is depending on Him to show me what to do; and even more than that! Trusting Him is knowing that He will not only show me what I am supposed to do - He will give me the strength, the knowledge, the means in which to do it.
It is depending on Him to get me through the week, the day, the hour...
I have a relationship with the God of the universe. The same One who spoke the worlds into existence wants to empower me to do what He has called me to. The same power that raised Christ from the dead is available to me every second of every day!
Every time I feel overwhelmed with school work.
Every time it seems that autism is more complex than I will every understand.
Every time I am at my wits end telling a child just how I expect a job to be completed.
Every time I am confronted with selfishness that destroys the bond of unity with my husband.
Every singe time these things come up - power is there to respond sweetly, gently and the way Christ would. I just need to lean on Him and I will find the power of God for each situation. That is the Christ Life! It's not trying harder - that is 'leaning on my own understanding'. It is not 'just hanging in there'. That still has me at the center of the circle.
The Christ Life is coming across these situations in my day - and going to God and saying: "God I don't know what to do." "I need your love to enable me to respond correctly." "God, I need your wisdom to understand how to handle the special needs you have brought into our home."
Here is the most exciting part: Every time I lean on Him and not on myself - He will give me the power to do what needs to be done! Every singe time! God will never ever fail me! He will always make me know the path to take and give me the power to walk it! Talk about a blessing!
I heard Him speak to my heart that morning: "Martie, Lean on me with everything you've got. Don't depend upon yourself. Consciously realize that I am here and want to help you and I will make your path for every situation straight so you can walk without tripping."
I thanked Him for this truth; and consider myself blessed that because of grace I can live each day with purpose and meaning. It is allowing Christ to live His life through me.