Within the past two weeks Zak met with yet another doctor. He has many. I have liked them all - until I met this one.
I find it hard to accept that there are people who feel that because they have a degree on the wall and wear a white jacket, they can intimidate and verbally accost parents. They are the playground bullies - only this is not a game being played at recess - it is life and the welfare of children is at stake because of their twisted and warped need to control.
This particular doctor was a bully of the worst nature. He wanted to be the one calling the shots for my son's care and treatment. A place that is not rightfully his - but he wanted to push his weight around to see if he could volley for the position. He lost - the position had already been filled. He was mean. He was hatefully. In all my years of dealing with doctors - he is the first to behave in such a manner.
It became obvious to me after the two hour visit, that I could not work with a doctor who did not choose to respect my decision to stay involved in my sons life. This involvement includes his education, his health, and his emotional well being.
I called him and told him we would not be needing his services. He acted predictably (although not professionally) and hung up on me while I was talking. It seemed an appropriate way to part company.
So for all the doctors out there with this mentality I want to declare just a few foundational beliefs I have:
I appreciate your dedication to health and the well being of children. However, when I take my son in for your evaluations, I am not checking my brain at the door. Just because my son is in your patient record file does not mean that you have final say in what is best for him. I have invested more in my son than you ever will - and for that reason alone I hold a higher rank in the decisions that are made in his regard.
The hours you spent in studying for your line of work do not even come close the the hours of study and labor I have spent, and will spend caring for my son. I have earned a degree - it is just not posted on my wall. I will study the drugs you are wanting to use. I will pray about them. I will talk with my husband about them; and ultimately we will make the final decision.
I believe that I will answer to God for what I did and what I allowed to influence my son. I do not ask you to believe like I do. I do not expect you to understand what I believe or why I believe it - but I do ask you to respect my beliefs. If you overstep your bounds and try to force me to act outside of my convictions - I will put my trust in God and choose to not continue to use you in my son's care.
There are times when it is best to walk away.
That is what I have chosen to do in this situation - walk away; and thank the Lord that this doctor is in the minority. It has made me even more thankful for all the great doctors we have worked with over the years. Their commitment to us and our son - is a blessing.
So Thankful that I know the GREAT PHYSICIAN,
~Martie
6 comments:
Very well said!
:( I'm sorry.
I've dealt with a bully doctor and they aren't fun.
I don't know why Drs. tend to behave this way. SOME are wonderful, but many truly believe that we must do everything they say.
Good for you for standing your ground. You may want to consider filing a complaint about his behavior.
Oh I can so relate here! We had a doctor like this when Xander was in the NICU. Our nurses (with one exception) were WONDERFUL! But we had this doctor that was overly cautious or something and wanted to keep Xander in the NICU for longer. I sat in that little "room" and argued for my son. Even tho Xander was only 10 days old, I knew him way better than that doctor who saw him for about 5 minutes a day and read the nurses file on him. Finally (after about an hour of arguing) I convinced him to release my child and let me go home with him. Xander has had NO health concerns, and immediately after leaving the hospital started gaining weight. He no longer cries for 4 hours at a time! Suprise, suprise! It really bothers me when doctors think that they are the final authority and don't want to listen to the parents who know their kids better than anyone (with the exception of their MAKER).
Well Said!
Very well said, Martie. YOU and ROB are the experts on YOUR CHILD. I too have had our Kaylee to many doctors for different things pertaining to her Down syndrome. One eye doctor had the audacity to call her a "mongoloid" in one breath, then lectured me that the term "pink eye" was outdated in his next breath. I left his office crying, and feeling inadequate. He had completely misdiagnosed her eye problems. I'm thankful Kyle was persistent and encouraged me to go to another doctor - who accurately diagnosed Kaylee's lazy eye and gave her glasses. She was walking a short time later - all along her motor skills had been hindered because of her poor eyesight. Moral of the story: Mama Knows Best. Period. I think you should send a copy of your article to this doctor - and maybe even to the higher-ups in the clinic or hospital he works for.
Great post! We know our children best, and it's insulting to be treated this way by a 'professional'. Glad you stood your ground!
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