Sometimes you pray and wait for answers. The waiting seems long; and those of us with weak faith begin to question. The odd silence - the illusion of distance seems so very real in regard to a God that normally seems so close.
There are tears. Fears. Unanswered questions. More tears. Added fears. Questions about those previously asked - but never answered. The cycle is endless. Feelings rule the mind. Absolutes are questioned. The questioning seems appropriate. Faith seems futile.
Then the Holy Spirit reminds of the past - - when He worked before. When seas of doubt and fear were spread open revealing dry ground of absolutes wherewith one was able to step out and see His power.
The past - when my heart felt more pain than I had ever experienced - only to reveal hidden blessings years and years later.
How two years of waiting and trusting brought the dream of adoption into a reality - on the very day He intended.
How a tiny baby was given to a family; and how God knew months before she was born that this was her home - even before her very existence.
There are times in the past four months He has seemed so far away. My heart, leading me astray told me it was so. I have struggled to think truth. There have been times when everything seemed so wrong. Absolutes seemed shattered.
My thoughts brought me into the cycle again. Tears. Fears. Questions. Tears. Fears. Questions.
Then the Holy Spirit reminds me that I can choose. I can chose to believe despite the doubt. I can look back and see He has NEVER failed - NEVER! He won't do it again. He will allow my faith to grow this time too.
So, though I don't know 'how' He is going to work through all of this - I choose to believe that He IS and He WILL!
My God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above anything I can ask or think.