Mixed Emotions

July 4, 1997 I brought our third daughter home from the hospital. She was just a tiny little thing; but perfect in every way. We celebrated her homecoming listening to fireworks and the neighbors celebrate the holiday.

She was with us for just a few short months. She laughed early, loved to snuggle and had the biggest bluest eyes I have ever seen. She was loved every day she was here. There was not a day that we did not spend with her. She was with us from the start until the last unexpected day.

It amazed me how one so small can come into my life, stay for such a short time, and make such a big impact. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about her. There is not a summer that passes that I do not think of that summer that we had with her. I wonder about what she would look like if she was here? What would she like? What would she dislike? What would her personality be like? All the questions have no answers this side of Heaven. I have learned that not all questions need answers.

It always seems odd when July first rolls around the corner. Odd, that a day that held such significance in our lives passes now quietly. Free from celebrations and festivities. It is a quiet realization that something big and wonderful happened on this day – but it is over now. How does one celebrate the birthday of a child who is no longer there? A day that should be happy – now is overcast with sadness even though the heart wills it to be different. So, I wish her a happy birthday in my heart and ponder once again if there is anything we can do to make this day bear some significance. I am once again without answers – perhaps next year I will think of something - - something to celebrate her – the fact that she was, and will always be in my heart. But alas, this year I just wish her a happy birthday.

Ally, I will always love you. Happy Birthday, my little one. I am so glad that you were, and that you are, and that you will always be - at peace. There is comfort knowing you are there waiting for me. Someday we will celebrate your birthday for the very first time and have all eternity to celebrate being together. I wait for that day. I Love you.
~Mom