Finding Normal

Just the other day I was driving home from taking James to do his chores for the farmer he works for, when I noticed that some of the leaves on the bushes that stand alongside of the country road were turning red.  I thought that odd that they were turning colors –already – in the middle of summer.  Then it hit me – that summer has just about ended and fall is ready to begin.

I keep forgetting that.

To me, it feels like summer has just started. 

I feel like I have lost the entire summer.

Taken Spring '14

In the spring Rob and I had been busy planning out our summer.  There was the camping trip that we were going to get in this year.  This would be the year that we would go camping all together as a family.  There were the hikes that we had planned up South Mountain.  Several weekends were set aside so  we could spend time as a family hiking and packing picnic lunches.  Then there was the trip to the ocean.  Together as a family we would see the water together and take it all in.  There was the garden we were going to plant and tomatoes that we would harvest come fall to can and have for the winter months.

Then we heard the word ‘CANCER’.

Life seemed to stop. 

My computer time was not looking through Pinterest to get ideas on how to pack the car, or awesome camping meals, or looking for pictures of the ocean.  I spent my times in front of the screen researching types of cancer and options for treatments.  Then there was the garden plot that was dug up fertilized and ready for the tomato plants that has turned out to be very fertile soil this year for a wide variety of weeds .  I look out my front window and some very healthy, hearty and thick garden of weeds growing in the garden area!

Instead of my summer unfolding the way we had planned, my summer has been divided up into segments:    waiting for a week to go by so we can get in to see the doctor for the appointment, waiting for the date for the biopsy, and another week for the results to get back. This has been the summer that I have waited.  Week by week – test by test – appointment by appointment - and without realizing it time was going by while I was waiting. 

Getting Ready to start First Grade!

With the cancer surgery behind us, life is starting to take on a normal feel.   The past few weeks I have felt completely and totally drained.  It has been hard to even put to words an explanation for my thoughts and feeling.  On one side I am overjoyed that Rob’s surgery turned out the way that it did and that we saw God work in a wonderful way; on the other hand I find my brain filing away all that has happened in the past several weeks and trying to find a new sense of balance and order in our everyday lives. 

This past weekend I came down with a cold.  God sometimes brings sickness to us to help us be able to have time to think and to rest.  I have rested – deeply rested (and it has been just what I needed).  I have had time to regroup myself emotionally and mentally.  On Sunday, I was still not feeling well and stayed home from church to rest and cough in private by myself; and not share my germs with the rest of the congregation.  The house was so quiet and it was wonderful to sit on the porch in my robe and PJ’s and just read my Bible and talk to the Lord.  Again, the Great Physician came and poured out His medication on my heart and soul and brought a real sense of balance to my thoughts.  It was wonderful!

So, I have wrapped my mind around the fact that summer has gone – and it has been one of the most eventful and growing summers we have had as a family.  Fall is here and with it the new school year needs to take shape and be planned out.  We will start next week – (Lord willing and the creek don’t rise).  I am busy getting our school schedules figured out. *** On a funny note, I took a few moments to take a quiz on Facebook to see how much of a control freak I am – and found that I passed that test with an “A” – if they were giving letter grades for the quiz scores.  Hmm, that explains the notebook that is being assembled for our new fall schedule containing detailed lists of all the rooms that will be cleaned, when they will be cleaned and how they will be cleaned.  It will also explain why the school schedule will be color coded for each child.   I am getting just a little bit excited to start school; and it is not because I like to control  organize things!  I was not sure if I would be able to find it in me to get enthusiastic about the new school year; but it has and is happening!  

Abbey treated me to a Manicure/ Pedicure and Sweet Frog Treat

It feels good to finally feel like we are getting back to a normal again. Yes, we still have Rob's radiation treatment coming up - and that will make things different again for a while; but life is starting to feel 'even'.   I have had time to look through Pinterest to figure out how to store the kid’s boots on the front porch, have looked up some homestead blogs that have brought about ideas that I would like to try with next year’s garden.  I had James order me some chickens and have been busy looking at coops and types of feed I will need – and picking out names for my girls.    Slowly, it is feeling good to getting back to living again.  

 God is so good!