Preparing to Go

She is leaving in four weeks.  One month.  Our lives will be completely different from anything that we have ever experienced before in our life.

Our oldest daughter is leaving home for a year.  A whole year.

I spend some of my time wondering where the time has gone.  It seems like just yesterday we were walking the hallway with a crying baby wondering if the days of colic would ever come to an end.  That was just yesterday, right?

I wonder if I have completed the job that I was supposed to do with her.  Did I teach her everything she needs to know?  Is she ready for life?  Have I instilled in her the character that she needs to do what God has called her to do?  Should I have spent more time teaching her to cook better or bake better?  Will she know how to keep her apartment clean and tidy?  Should I have spent more time teaching home skills?

I wonder if she will do OK navigating a forgein culture and learning a forgien language.  I wonder if she will safe as she travels, make all her connections and get through customs and the border without incident.  I hope, beyond hope that she will be able to call me from across the ocean and tell me that she has arrived safetly.  I am sure that I will not sleep really well until I know she has made it to Germany.

Mostly, I wonder if her relationship with God is as strong as it needs to be to accomplish what God has given her to do.  Does she understand the Christ life like she should?  Is her faith strong enough to handle lonliness, depression and dissappointments?  (I know life and I know they all will come!)  I wonder if she has a correct ministry view of the task that God has given her.  Is she viewing it as a mission field to which He has called her?  Has God put within her heart a heartbeat and heartcry for the people to whom He is sending her to minister? 

My thoughts can go on and on.   Time continues to tick by and one month seems like it is right around the conrner.  The closer it gets the stronger the lump in my throat feels.  The longer one year seems; and Germany sounds like it is farther away than the moon!

Some things have become clear to me:

* Time goes by faster than I ever dreamed.
* You can't go back and do overs.
* You get to say "I'm sorry".
* You can't keep them with your forever.  God gave them to you to prepare and send out for His work.
* The same God that I meet with every morning is going with her to Germany.  (Somehow that makes it      
    seem a lot better!)
* God has more invested in her than I do.  
* Her life is His - not mine. 

So, I am spending everyday thinking about how soon we will miss her smiling face at our table in the morning; and I am spending as much time as I can being with her and building some really great memoires that we will hold onto when she is away.  We will be taking a current family picture and looking at the olds ones wondering how the time could have gone by so quickly. I will post our new one when we get it done.

 

 I am taking comfort in the fact that God is going with her.  I have poured into her as much as I could in 20 years.  What I have missed and failed in can not be redone in the few days we have remaining; but God can shore up my shortcoming and He can teach where I have failed. 

However, just because she is leaving us for a year does not mean that I can not invest in her any more.  I can pray for her every day.  I can intrust her to His capable hands to protect and guide and teach.  What a comfort that is to this hurting heart.  So thankful my God can be trusted with those for whom I hold so dear.

Thanks for stopping by - I am so glad you did.
Blessings,
~Martie

The Decision

I was thrilled when I read in the news that North Dakota now has in place now the strongest protection for unborn babies.  All of our biological children were born in North Dakota; and this new law made the thankful to be able to tell people that we used to live there!  A state that chooses to value life at the highest level should be commended!

In the midst of my joy on this matter, t was presented to me that I should be more open minded about abortion.

That a woman under certain circumstances has a ‘right’ to choose her agenda over life.

The scenario was given of a woman who became pregnant because of rape or incest; and the conservative position was held in a light that would make one wonder if those who hold such a stance were guiltier than the pedophile or savage who violated the impregnated woman.

There was the description of a woman who finds that her life is in grave danger if she continues the pregnancy and then it was sighted that those who hold to the pro-life view are denying medical care to such a woman. 

It was made to look that the pro-life conservatives are standing in the ghetto holding the back door open and sending innocent mothers into the dark and evil alleys to be butchered by would be doctors whose heartbeat is to help these deprived woman get the care they desperately need in their situation.

It was emphatically stated that without question every mother has a right to choose what is best for her in these horrible situations.  Choose what is best for her – for her future – for her baby’s welfare.

Then it was tossed out into the field that conservatives just have not considered these situations; and in our ignorance we hold to our pro-life view.  I would beg to differ than I have thought of the abortion issue almost everyday for the past 10 years.  There is not a day I do not think about these situations and the theory of a "Mother's Right to Choose".   

In my mind, there are two considerations that have made me unequivocally pro-life in every case.

One is a brown eyed little girl who wakes us up in the morning dancing into our room to tell us that she wants to snuggle and wiggle and live out her day to the fullest.  She is convinced that she is her Daddy’s princess; and while she sees herself as a princess – we see her as a gift from God.  A miracle – you see one of the above scenarios fits her; but someone chose life and we are blessed every moment of every day with her choice. 

The other consideration is a little boy who has a smile that wraps around his entire face; and a giggle that is hearty enough to make even the most solemn of people smile.  Every day we get to watch him learn to read.  He rides his bike with zeal and speed and his love for life gives me a reason to get up in the morning.  His hugs are strong and his prayers at night are as heartfelt as you have ever heard. We know God has a plan for him and wonder how many people will be touched because someone who had justifiable reasons to end his beating heart but decided instead to choose life. 

I’m asked to be more open minded about these cases.  I invite those who think my view is uneducated and limited to take a day and see what I see.   Watch these two choices live their lives from morning to night.  Take the hour while they are having their quiet time in their beds and look through our photo albums.  Take close looks at the pictures.  Look at the glow of our faces on the day we went to court and a judge said yes to our petition to adopt.  Look at our smiles.  Take a close look at all or our family pictures.  The glow in our cheeks and the twinkle in our eyes are there largely in part because of those two ‘choices’.

Tell me again how I need to be more open minded; and I will try to hide the questioning look on my face that wonders how could you be so ignorant to think that two of the best things that every happened to our family should have been looked upon with such disdain because of the inconvenience that was caused because of a crisis situation.  

They are not choices. 

They have names:  The princess is Anna and the one you hear laughing is Zak.  They are our precious gifts from God and from two women who for a short time were inconvenienced by a pregnancy that caused them distress. 

Tell me again how I am supposed to think that they had a reason to choose their comforts for a time and deny them life. 

You may think that my position is narrow and judgmental; that does not bother me.  If you lived in my reality you would realize why I feel the way I do.  Open minded?  I am totally opened minded to the possibilities that God can bring from horrible situations.  God can make everything beautiful – I know – I live in that reality every day.  

 I applaud the Governor of North Dakota for the law he signed into being this past week.  Sir, thank you!  You make me wish I lived in North Dakota still!  If ever you need something to remind you what the law is all about - feel free to look at these pictures.  They are a good reminder to me that life should be valued under every situation.  Thank you, for valuing life!

 

Knowing Christ

 I love how God works.  I love how He speaks to our hearts and leads us to truth.  I love how He, through the Holy Spirit will make a truth we have known for years come alive.   This is what has been happening in my life in regards to the understanding of suffering.

It started on a Sunday morning.  We had a guest speaker come through and present his ministry.  His mission field is in the midst of a Muslim country.  His English was beautifully painted with the accent of his Arabic tongue.

It the middle of his slide presentation he told of the persecution that he and his church had endured at the hands of the Catholics in his country.  He told how he and his church had been unfairly treated.  He told of physical beating that took place at the hands of those persecuting him and his church.  He did not dwell upon it long; but made reference to the fact that it was the hardest thing he had endured.  Persecution for his faith.

As he was telling of this account suddenly all the trivial things that I hold dear seemed insignificant and my Christian life seemed shallow compared to his.  There was something about him.  He seemed to have a closeness to God – that caused my heart to yearn for that same closeness to God.  It became apparent to me that his sufferings had caused him to understand God in a deeper way.

He went on to preach in the morning service and it was a statement that he made that caused my eyes to be opened to a truth for which I need a deeper understanding.  He made a statement, and while I do not remember word for word what he said this was the gist of it:  “Most of the New Testament was written during times of persecution.  The Christian life is one of persecution and suffering.”  It caused me to think of this fact:  In my Christian life he was one of the few people I had actually met face to face who had physically been persecuted for his faith.  It seemed that there was light here as to why my Christian life lacks a depth I saw in this man.    

It has become apparent to me in my Christina life that I have not had a correct understanding of suffering.  There have been times in my life that I have been surrounded by other Christians who have unconsciously held to the heresy that: ‘ if I am a Christian and doing right – good things will happen in my life’.  These same people hold to a belief that when bad things happen there is sin that has caused this.   

When one believes this misconception, it causes the focus to be turned off of Christ and onto oneself.  If you believe that the reason for the suffering that you are experiencing is because somewhere there is sin in your life or because God is judging you you start looking at yourself and all of your decisions and wondering where YOU went wrong.  In directing your gaze towards yourself and your decisions you are missing the blessing of being able to see Christ more clearly.  ( I understand that there are times that sin can cause life to be hard; but I am not addressing that issue here .  My focus is not on the “way of the transgressor here; but on one who loves God and has a heart to obey Him.)

Suffering followed those who sought after God with all of their hearts.  Paul endured great trials.  He was cast into prisons; not because HE made a wrong decision and went to the wrong town; but for the furtherance of the gospel and the encouragement of the churches.    Paul clearly understood that his sufferings had a bigger purpose than just making his life miserable.  Paul believed that he was called to suffer.   

I Timothy 4:10 : “For therefore we both labor and suffer reproach, because we trust in the living God who is the Savior of all men, specially of those that believe.”

II Timothy 3:12:  “Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.”

Romans 8:16-18:  “The Spirit itself (Himself) beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with Him, that we may be also glorified together.  For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

We are called to a life of suffering.  We are called to a life of weakness.  Why?

Because that is how Christ can be magnified.  When others see our sufferings – and see us surrendering to the Spirit’s work in our hearts it causes them to look to Christ who is enabling us with strength for the suffering.  Unsaved see and are drawn to a deeper understanding of salvation – the gospel.  Christians see and are drawn to the Spirit filled life of joy and peace amidst the hardship this life brings.

When we suffer we are able to understand the heart of our Savior more!  We are able to “suffer with Him.”  The rejection he felt in Gethsemane is felt on a deeper level when we ourselves experience the rejection of others.  We find ourselves in tune with the heart of our Savior.  Suffering brings us closer to understanding and relating to our example – Jesus Christ Himself; and when Christ becomes real to us – we are able to share Him accurately with those who we come in contact. 

As I have been reading and studying this I have purposed in my life to expect suffering to come.  I must not shy away from trials and troubles.  I must not try to reason them away by pointing to myself or others as the cause of the suffering.  Each heartache that comes, each trial that is encountered must be viewed as coming down from the hands of a loving Savior who wishes to magnify Himself to me and others. 

As I view Him through my trials I will know Him more and more.  I will understand His love for me.  I will find my heart filled with gratitude for all He suffered for me.  I will, as Paul said, “know Him”.  As I come to understand deeper the heart of my Savior I will realize anew His love for me.  I will find myself embraced by the Almighty and in His embrace I will find He is all I need.

Trust you are finding in Him your 'All in All.' Thanks so much for stopping by, I am so glad you did!

Blessings,

~Martie