It seems like we have spent a long time waiting. Longer than I would have wanted to wait - had I been the one to choose. No matter how cozy the accommodations of a waiting room, after spending enough time in one, a person can start to feel boxed in. When life becomes a waiting room, the same thing happens. It has been a year since Rachel got sick. We have a clear understanding of this concept of the waiting room of life.
Today, we go down another path. I can not help but feel we are close to finding out the answer. I am not sure if the answer will be something that will be easy to understand; but waiting and not knowing seems harder than even the worse diagnosis. Even if the ailment has a dreaded name - isn't at least knowing the name of what is afflicting her better than knowing nothing? Perhaps if a few days - I will know the answer to the question. Today, it is purely hypothetical.
I thought about the title of this post last night before I went to bed. I got up early this morning and read in my devotions. I like what He had to say to me: "It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord." Lam 3:26.
He has set our life on 'hold' so to speak. We are waiting. Waiting for answers. Waiting for healing. Waiting for answered prayers. Waiting... and, it has been good for us. I may not feel that; but I can trust that. He knows what He is doing. He knows what is best.
I need not concern myself with begging and pleading for this trial to end. I need not concern myself with fervent prayers for her complete healing (although in my flesh I feel I would not want anything more)! I need only to ask God to accomplish His will in our lives. His will in her life. I need turn to Him and allow this trial of our faith to draw me closer to His side. Daily, hourly, every moment laying down my desires for the situation upon His altar and asking Him to do what is best - for us.
My husband has a plaque on his office wall that says, "Faith is not believing that God can - it is knowing He will." I know God can heal Rachel - and I know that God WILL do that which is best for us. Faith is trusting that God WILL do that which is best for me.
So, today we go to get answers. Direction. The answers may be hard. The new direction may be difficult - - but it will be what is best. I ask for your prayers. Pray that we will be ever drawn to our precious Saviours side. That we would know His presence. That we would understand His grace. Pray that we would be a light to those with whom we come in contact. That they would see Christ. Pray that we would be surrendered to whatever God has for us. That He would be real to us. That Heaven would be real to us. Pray these things for us - for this is best.
"In the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge,
until these calamities be overpast."