Time to Write

I am trying my best to post more on my blog. It has been a chore trying to get it done. I told my husband, "I want to be blogging about the life I live or want to live; but I'm finding I don't have the time because I am too busy living the life I live."

The school year is underway and the motor is running. Finally the schedule is in order, has been being run pretty well now for a couple of weeks and I am starting to see results. I am finding the time to write because it is in the schedule and the kids have been warned not to disturb me during this time.

It feels good to be back writing. Back here with friends. I have missed writing more than I could ever tell anyone. I love to write. When I write I loose all track of time. They say that is what happens when you are doing something you love. (That is why I know I do not like exercising. I never loose track of time there. I count every. single. minute. till it is over. lol) Perhaps, the only thing I enjoy doing more than writing is playing the piano; but I am pretty sure that they are even and enjoyed the same.

I love what happens when I write. I start seeing life from a different angle. A writing angle. The kids will say something to me that I will make a mental note to write about. A man will pass me on the street and I will analyze him for a character in a story I am writing. Somehow life is such a better place when able to write about it!

I had spent a lot of time writing a fiction book set in WWII. Unfortunately, all of my book was lost when we had computer problems earlier this year. This has been a bit of a discouragement to me; but I am thankful that all my research was in hard copy. I have renewed my quest to write the book and will be starting it again next week. Maybe someday, I will have a book with my name on the front cover - rather than in the front cover. :) (I can dream, can't I?)

Hope you are able to find the time to do the things that you enjoy doing. I think you can expect more blog posts on a more frequent basis. My writer's cramp is gone. Thanks so much for stopping by and reading. I love having guests on my blog.

Blessings,

~Martie

My Song

Timing in music has not been my strong point through the years. My piano teachers would work and work with me to get the rhythm and beat correct as I sat through endless lessons. My husband spent years leading music in church, timing is not an issue for him. It comes to him as natural as breathing. We have had more than a few conversations on how my timing was off as he was trying to lead the congregational song. Through the years, and with his coaching, I have gotten pretty good at rhythm and timing in music.

I have found that life, everyday life, has a rhythm too; and the older I get the more I love this timing that happens every day. Somehow watching this rhythm and being a part of this song brings a sense of awareness as security that the day is going as it should and all is well.

Something happens when the rhythm stays the same today as it was yesterday. When you get up each morning at the same time, turn on the coffee pot and get ready for you day as you listen and smell the hot jo awakening your senses to the new day before you. For me there is a sense of security and well being when I turn on the same lamp each morning and pull out my Bible as I sit on the couch and read today from His Word just like I read from it the day before. I love, that as I read, my little one comes slowly down the stairs and smiles at me through knotted and twisted hair. Longingly she looks at me and runs to me as I pull my Bible off the center of my lap and pat the empty spot that is waiting for her. I love the snuggle times that we get in the early hour of the morning before the sun has yet made it’s appearance. The quiet of the house engulfs us in the sweetness of the moment. Each day, every day of the week we have this special time. I love the rhythm of this music of life. The slow steady ballad that allows us to enjoy each other, take in each other and just be.

Then there is the morning routine when everyone is getting ready for the day. There is a thought I think every single morning when the kids are busy getting dressed and ready and preparing to come to breakfast: “Another bathroom would be nice!” The house is full of the sounds of the kids getting around for their day as they walk up and down the stairs, try to find things that have been misplaced and get around for the day ahead of them. All of these sounds create the music of life flooding my ears as I pour six bowls of cereal and try to pack Zak a healthy, gluten free lunch. It is often a loud piece of music and I must be honest, sometimes, I wish I could turn down the volume just a little bit! When I move away from the noise and have time ( and ability) to think, I realize that there will be a day when that music will not fill the walls of our home, and I will long for that song to be played again. On the good days I remind myself that the loud and fast music of life has it’s place and time and can be enjoyed for what it is – life being lived out loud. Sometimes the phrase ‘out loud’ is figurative; often it is literal.

I like it when the beat of life is steady and predictable. Predictability in my mind is a wonderful thing. I love taking Zak to school and seeing the same crossing guard, at the same corner standing there waiting for the children headed for school. I love to hear the bell to Rob’s store ring and watching him come out grinning knowing I am stopping in just after dropping Zak out for school. I love seeing the post man’s van pull up and park in front of our house to start the mail route on our street. I love that we get mail every day. Each of these predictable events is something to count on, to look forward to. A reminder, should we say, that says that life is going on as it should; and gives me the ability to hear the beat of life, though soft, is just continually there. The music of life continually being performed without the need for rehearsal because it is as familiar as the songs I learned in nursery school.

Every piece of music has rests. The song of music has rests and pauses too. I love the pause that a Saturday morning brings to the rhythm of life. I love that the coffee is brewed and enjoyed later in the morning, in the softness of my pajamas, with the sun shining brightly through my front room window. I love the leisure that the Saturday brings. Even the happenings in our little town show that the song of life, although having the same musical theme has moved to a different movement. I love that the local grocery store is busy with people and the smell of brats frying on an open grill gives the community an opportunity to support some worthy cause. My body and mind needs a break from the same song, and weekends seem to be able to give the reprieve and add their own flair to the piece of music I love to hear played. I find refreshment to my soul as the laziness of the day enables me to sit with a good book, go out for coffee with a friend, or have the time to walk with my husband to the little Chinese restaurant on Main street as we enjoy some time – just the two of us.

Then there are Sunday’s when the music of life is able to be reflective and purposeful. When I am able to sit in church and sing the hymns that have been sung on Sunday’s down through the ages. To listen to God’s Word as it is preached and be challenged by truth known but perhaps forgotten. There have been many a Sunday when I have left church challenged anew by the Holy Spirit. He is doing a work in my life and that this week ahead of me is an opportunity for Him to continue the work. The music of life on Sunday is meditative and reflective, a time when God is allowed to work and my thoughts and actions of the day are focused on Him. How messed up and purposeless my life would be without the life music of Sunday.

How thankful I am that God is a God of order and that He has placed within us as people a desire for things to be done in an orderly fashion. I finish this blog post and look at my clock. It is time for the laundry to be folded, dinner to be started and an evening with the family to fill the hours left in my day. I think about the schedule and the ‘to do’ list. Someday this music will stop, and life will have a different melody. When this song ends there will be a new song, a new season of life that will have a rhythm all its own; but I am sure that there will be a part of me that will miss this song. I am determined to listen to each line, develop each measure, and enjoy the piece of music my life is on today.

"Make a joyful noise unto the Lord..."

Birthday Boy

We did not get to celebrate his first birthday. Paperwork was not ‘quite’ done and ready; but we had met him. We had held him and kissed him and had thanked God for him. I thought about him on that first birthday. I wondered what the foster home was doing to celebrate his big day. I thought about what we would do to celebrate his birthday in years to come. I thought and I prayed. Prayed that he would be able to be ours, prayed that he was having a good day, and prayed that somewhere deep within his little heart God would give him the realization that he was loved.

That was eight years ago, today. He turned one and just one week later he came to live at our house. When I think back to that day it seems so long ago. So many journeys we have taken with this little guy! There have been multiple surgeries. There have been countless doctor’s visits and numerous diagnosis’; but God has answered the prayer I prayed eight years ago. Zak is ours; and I truly do think that he knows in the bottom of his heart that he is loved. I believe that somehow that day God whispered in his ear that he had a Mommy and Daddy that loved him very much; and that soon, very soon he would have a family to call his own.

How thankful I am that love is an action word and not merely existent because of feeling. Sometimes when you have a special needs child the emotions and feelings can very like the hills of a roller coaster. The journey is long when your child has special needs and often the path is not well lit and seem unnavigable. I am so glad that God knows the way. I am also so thankful that He always provides a way.

This year Zak has celebrated his birthday at school. A new school. A school that is helping us more than I thought was even possible. Sometimes God provides the answers in the most unique of places! He has undergone hours and hours of detailed testing and evaluations. It has been determined that some previous diagnosis are not what we are dealing with. I think I am safe to say that they have ruled out that we are dealing with autism – a diagnosis we were not sure we completely agreed with. So much of the criteria did not fit our little guy. Some of the latest tests have revealed that we are dealing with FAS. This has saddened me quite a bit – for in some ways this can be harder to deal with then the autism; but it has been encouraging for me to hear by countless teachers the ‘success’ stories that they have seen with children who have FAS.

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So we celebrate another year of Zak’s life. We start it with yet another label; but with the understanding that all labels are not bad. If a label is used to give you a starting point in knowing what you are dealing with and will help you understand the path that lies ahead – then it is a tool worth having. However, if a label is used to limit and hold back, it is a restraint that handicaps worse than the actual handicap itself! So, I am celebrating Zak’s birthday this year with a thankful heart. Thankful for professionals that know more than I. Thankful that God has given us a provision for the time being in having Zak in school. Thankful for his dear Mrs “G” who makes it possible for him to be in school because she is is shadow and is with him every minute of the day. Thankful that God has given us another year to love our Zak. How thankful I am that God is stretching us, and allowing us to see that our limited view is often not the way He sees things. I am thankful that it is from God that I get my strength. He gives as much strength as I need and knows my limitations.

Happy Birthday, Zak. I am so thankful that you are mine. I know that God has a special plan for you. I am so glad that we get to have a front row seat in watching God work in and through you life.

Sweetheart

Zak was asked to choose a picture for his incentive chart. He has decided to have quite the fascination with T-Rex dinosaurs. When this particular breed of dinosaurs comes up he inevitably asks the questions, "Why do they eat meat?" and "What do you think the meat they eat tastes like?

The day his chart was made was no exceptions. The dinosaurs of choice was made and the questions asked. Then he had to choose - choose from the wide variety of pictures that featured T-Rex dinosaurs. He searched and searched through the rows of pictures, his teacher by his side. Then suddenly he spotted it.

'That one, right there!" The chair came out from under him as he stood to his feet and pointed rapidly at the screen. "That's the one. That one right there."

The teacher clicked on the picture and pushed the print button. Out came the coveted picture of choice. I was absolutely amazed at what he had chosen. There before me sat a huge T-Rex dinosaur. He was either starting or finishing his meal - a deer. There on the ground lay a dead deer, a hunk of meat hanging from the dinosaur's mouth - blood dripping from it as the dinosaur fed his hungry belly.

I was staring at the graphic picture amazed that my son would choose that one. I was a little concerned and then I heard the teacher ask, "What are you going to name your dinosaur?"

Zak gazed at the picture in quiet contemplation. (I was still looking at the picture also, contemplating therapy for my child.) Zak tipped his head to the left as he got a better look at the horrific scene on the poster board taped to his desk. "I will name him... Sweetheart. Yes, that's his name, Sweetheart."

I tipped my head to look at the picture with the name attached. I don't know, he just did not look like a 'Sweetheart' to me; but then beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I guess Zak saw something in him I did not.

One thing about it, with Zak in school there will be fewer laughs at home during the day; but I guess I am willing to share him with others. The world needs a little more smiles, a few more laughs, and a lot more 'Sweethearts'.

Thanks for stopping by, I am so glad you did!

Blessings,
~Martie