The reality hangs there - overshadowing the everyday; and I am left with the so many thoughts I don't normally spend a lot of time dwelling upon.
I feel as if I have been thrust from the security that comes with normality - only to find that all along it has been a false security. Normal can change in an instant, or in a trip to the store, or in the morning after a good night's rest.
It can shake one to the core to realize just how fast life can change - I know I have lived through it before.
And I wondering if that is how THIS will turn out. The questions come in pairs - and groups. They file in through my brain - question after questions.
The will questions: "Will it be cancer?" "Will we still be together as a family a year from now?"
The how questions: "How will I do this?" "How did this happen?"
My mind is like an escalator that continues to move - each ascending step holds yet another question. Like a revolving door - each question leading to another question. Always moving... over and over again.
Then I hear the voice deep within my heart. I know the voice I have heard it many times before and it says quietly, gently sweetly:
"Be still and know that I am God..."
The escalator of question slows a bit as I listen to the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit. He repeats:
"Be still and know that I am God..."
I think about God - and the escalator stops it's movement.
God is sovereign. Always in control of everything that happens upon this earth. Always in control of what happens to me.
God is faithful. He has always taken care of me. Provided for me. Assured me of His love for me as His child - the best Father I have ever had.
God is love. Never doing anything to me that will bring me hurt - and always making sure that everything that happens to me turns out for my good.
I focus on Him and I am still. He is God.
I do not need to know if it is cancer.
I do not need to know what our lives will look like six months from now.
I do not need to know how I will get through this if the results are not what we want to hear..
I just need to know that He is God. He is enough.
He is bigger than cancer
He is strong enough to handle anything - tomorrow - or six months from tomorrow.
He is wise enough to know how it will all turn out - because He can see that far - He knows exactly how this will all unfold; and He has promised EVERYTHING will work out for good in my life. EVERYTHING.
"For I the LORD they God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, "Fear not, I will help thee."
3 comments:
I'm praying for you! A little over a year ago, an earlier-than-usual colonoscopy found a cancerous polyp in my husband's colon. He'd had the procedure done due to the suggestion of his parents' doctor, both of whom have had pre-cancerous polyps, and their doctor said their children needed to have them right away to be sure there were no problems. Within days, my husband's brother was also found to have several cancerous polyps. Those were agonizing days (as I sat in a daze!) waiting for test results and a visit with the cancer doctor. The removal of the polyps for both my husband and brother-in-law proved to be all that was necessary, with followup visits scheduled over the years to come. Our case turned out to be just a "scare," but I know that waiting time. I had some of the same thoughts you do - God knows, He cares, He will be with me no matter the outcome.
Amen dear sister! Praying the Lord's will be done. Love, Diana
Just know how much we love you! We are praying -- hard!
Melissa, Don, and the boys
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